Mini Me Update [09/08/25] : Neck Zappers, Birthdays & Days Out

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I truly don’t know where the time has gone. How did we get over half way through 2025 already? I know I’ve been rather absent of late and I’m sorry for that. I’ve been trying to keep my head above water and blogging has been that bit too difficult for me. But I’ve missed it, and I’ve missed you, so I’m hoping I can get back to doing a little more of it in the near future. In the mean time, here’s a little mini me update, just in case you’re in the mood for someone boring the pants off you!

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Birthday Blues Number 30-Something

Once you get to 35 years old it just feels like an inevitable downward slope into the void, so I’m going to refer to myself as a 30-something. I always thought ageing would be enjoyable because you could take stock, feel grateful, look at what you’ve accomplished in life and be proud of who you are. That’s how I used to feel.

But when illness comes into the mix and life veers off course into something unrecognisable, all I feel left with is regret, embarrassment, loneliness, despair, a feeling of not being good enough and of not living up to expectations, and a terrible kind of fear. It’s mostly bullshit of course, especially where feeling like you’re behind in life is concerned. But you can’t help how you feel when the birthday blues roll around.

So with my birthdays now, which are only marked by me buying myself a chocolate cake and smothering it in toffee sauce, I tend to want to avoid them and avoid feeling all these things. I know I’m not the only one who feels like this. Whether you’re sick or not, whether you’re at a good stage in your life or not, the inevitability of ageing can be daunting, if not outright terrifying. With that in mind, I’d like to give a shout of to everyone this year having a birthday and feeling less than chipper about it. You’re not alone. 

Last year’s birthday was the day we actually moved house, so that was an odd one. This year my birthday falls on a Saturday, which is my hermit day as it’s usually too busy everywhere. I’ll cut up my chocolate cake, douse it in toffee goodness, and offer you all a virtual slice.

Related Reading : Birthday Anxiety With Chronic Illness & Tips For Managing

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A Neck Zapper For Cluster Headache : GammaCore 

I’ve lived with cluster headaches now since 2015, when surgery and surgical implants kicked off a host of new problems. For years they were put down as migraines, even though I repeatedly said they’re nothing like how I know migraines to be. I’ve tried oodles of things for them – pills, potions, self-injections, even Botox to the head – and nothing has worked. Knowing how much I’m struggling with cluster headaches 2 or 3 times a day, most days, my neurologist suggested what might be the final option – GammaCore. 

I think I would need a miracle for this to help but I’m trying to keep an open mind. I will say that it’s a bit of a weird one but after about two weeks’ use, I’m getting more accustomed to the said weirdness. I might write a blog post on my experience when I finish the 3 month trial as I know there will be people in a similar boat wondering if there are any other options they could try.

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Day Trippin’

If you follow me on Instagram you might have seen that I took my mum and I for a little day trip fairly recently to the National Trust property, Croome Court. We weren’t physically able to go around the grounds, but we had a quick tour on what became a white-knuckle ride on a buggy to get from the museum to the house. I only managed a few hours before I was struggling too much and still needed to safely drive home, but it was a fascinating visit and lovely to see my mum have a nice time. 

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I also took my mum to meet up with my brother and his way too energetic German Shepherd at Jeremy Clarkson’s pub, the Farmer’s Dog. We actually went to the Farmer’s Puppy, which is the large outdoors area behind the pub with a food truck, small marquee area for the shop and picnic benches.

It made me glad we didn’t attempt the Diddly Squat Farm in the end because the lady behind me in the queue for chips told me she went there earlier that morning; she saw the two hour long queue just to get into the shop and bailed, deciding to check out the pub’s beer garden instead. It boggles my mind that the farm has been open for years now and is still so insanely busy. The pub is likewise packed out and fully booked. The outdoors area is for people who can’t get a reservation in the pub or for people like me who can’t afford the pub.

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My Mama : Heart Medications Affecting Mental Health

My mum has had a rough time of it the last couple of years, and it seems like problem after problem pops up for her now as it does for me. I much prefer being the one with the problems as it’s utterly terrible having a loved one struggle and feel like you can’t do enough. We tackled the issue of extra low blood pressure by the GP removing one of her heart failure medications, so the lightheaded weirdness is a little better. Those same medications that she has been on since her heart attack have caused a lot of side-effects; I’m grateful we’re in the day and age where such medications exist, but the knock-on problems are concerning. 

The other quite considerable one is how they affect her mental health, something she doesn’t like to talk about. I’m mentioning it here just on the off-chance anyone has been through this or knows someone potentially going through this, because it’s not uncommon for heart-related medications to cause depression, anxiety and irritability among other things. I previously broached the subject with her GP a couple of years ago but then spinal problems and the need for pain relief halted the anti-depressant she started. 

I spoke to a new GP a few weeks ago and asked if she could re-try Mirtazapine, which he thought was a good idea. It has been slow going getting started on it as it interacts with gabapentin causing extreme tiredness. Like blink-and-fall-asleep tiredness. Constantly. After a bad start, I had her forget about it for 2 weeks and try again with a half dose and soon we’ll increase it up little by little. For now, things seem a tiny bit better and I’m hopeful that will improve with time and a higher dose. 

Randomly bursting into tears, sometimes for an odd minute and sometimes for an hour. Not wanting to get up in the mornings. Feeling unable to motivate yourself to want to do anything. Feeling it’s all rather pointless. You shouldn’t have to live like this as a result of medication so please, please seek help from your doctor.

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Setting Up & Settling In : New Home Vibes

We’ve now been at the new house for a year, though I can’t fathom how that’s even possible. There was more to do than even I had expected, and it has been very difficult physically, and a bit stressful on top of other things.

It feels more like home now and it’s definitely getting there. It’s just a lot of upkeep when you lose so much time to health problems and have to do things bit by painstaking bit. Once you’ve dusted and vacuumed one room and blinked, it’s time to do it again. I’m sure most of you know what I’m talking about. 

While I wasn’t able to appreciate the move as much as I’d wanted because of issues with my dad, I can certainly acknowledge the benefits to living here and to the move overall. It’s a lovely, quiet area and the house is more spacious. No more dislocating my shoulder reaching up to get my stoma supplies off the top of my wardrobe because I didn’t have anywhere else to put them!

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How are you all doing? I hope the days are treating you as well as possible, even though I realise that may be wishful thinking for some of you. Please take good care of yourselves. Thank you for reading and thank you for your support.

Caz  ♥

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