Home General Info & Awareness What Confidence Is Really All About

What Confidence Is Really All About

by InvisiblyMe
A man and woman in an office looking down at a camera, dressed smartly and looking confidence. The post title is overlaid, reading: What Confidence Is Really All About.
A man and woman in an office looking down at a camera, dressed smartly and looking confidence. The post title is overlaid, reading: What Confidence Is Really All About.

Confidence is a strange thing that some people seem to have in spades and other don’t seem to have at all. But looks can be deceiving, and confidence is about far more than merely looking the part. Whether you struggle to act confident or want to get a new perspective on being assertive, this collaborative post brings together a few things you need to know.

Confidence Is Deep

Often when you think someone is confident, you are looking at how they look and act on the surface, but in fact, this really doesn’t mean much. People go to different lengths to target issues that dent their confidence, which is why the markets for age-defying treatments, plastic surgery and spot creams will forever flourish. If you’re always self-conscious about your teeth, you could find out more about dental implants so you can smile with confidence. These things are designed to provide us with that extra encouragement to face the world.

The problem is, confidence goes a lot deeper than appearances. It’s about feeling worthy. It’s about believing in yourself and feeling accepting of who you are. It’s about being assertive and standing up for yourself. It’s about knowing your values and sticking to them. It’s about not comparing yourself, caring a little less about what others think, and speaking to yourself a little more kindly. It’s about being happy with who you are.

Confidence Is Attractive

Confidence shouldn’t be confused with arrogance, the latter of which can involve being self-absorbed and egotistical. With confidence, you can actually become a little less self-conscious and a little more tuned in to those around you. There’s also some deeper evolutionary angle here, in that it radiates strength and security. Owning who you are without apology is attractive.

Everyone Has Feelings Of Insecurity

Even those who come across as highly confident or who seem to have it all will often have things they’re insecure about. This is why comparisons can be dangerous, and why social media is deceptive because you only see what the other person wants you to see. You never know what’s truly going on inside the minds and lives of others.

What You Think Of Yourself Is What Matters

Caring what other people think of you can be damaging. Being truly confident means being grounded, knowing who you are and not caring too much about what others think of you. At the end of the day, you is all you have and you’re the one living with you every second of the day. Get comfortable and start to love your own company.

A dark background like a night sky with stars. A woman stands to the right in a white t-shirt with her arms stretched out to suggest confidence and her back to the camera. On the sky are the words "believe in yourself" made to look like clouds.

You Can Fake Confidence

The expression ‘Fake it till you make it‘ is a useful one because it typically works. What we aim for is genuine confidence in ourselves, but faking it first can help you to realise that you can act confident even when you don’t feel it. You might not believe it at first but give it a try. Test it out and see how it feels. Faking being more confident can help us to become more confident.

Confidence Needs Building

Confidence does not just appear overnight, even if some people come across as naturally self-assured. Building it takes time and effort. Nurture your self-esteem as a means of self-care – it’s about feeling worthy, feeling good enough, and not comparing yourself to others.

The concept of beauty is rife with standards that can make it hard to be yourself. However, you can take baby steps to build or cultivate a positive self-image free of those cumbersome rules. Give it a try in any of your life, doing away with the rules and pressures to work on embracing who you are. Take your clothes, for instance, and wear what makes you feel good and confident. Slip into a SwimSpot tankini embracing your body shape and size, dressing the way you see best so you can enjoy. If you’re on holiday, sunbathing or out for a swim, the experience can be hindered at best and ruined at worst if you’re worried about how you look & lack the confidence to enjoy what you’re doing. Wearing something you love and rockin’ it can help improve your daily mood and long-term happiness by feeling that fear and doing it anyway.

Confidence Can Slip

Having confidence doesn’t mean you won’t slip and find yourself randomly racked with insecurities. What it does mean though is that you’ll be able to handle whatever comes your way. Having confidence in yourself will allow you to know that you can get through tough times, that life won’t always be like this, and that you’ll learn from mistakes and pick yourself up to try again. 

Positive Thinking Encourages Confidence

This isn’t about cheesy positive thinking. Thinking of positive outcomes encourages confidence because you’re less worried and anxious about all the things that could go wrong. If you think about all the ways something could go right, then your confidence will increase and it’s more likely you’re going to achieve positive outcomes. Less room for stress, self-doubt and negativity leaves more space for positivity and confidence to bloom.

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What do you think about confidence being more than skin deep? Do you have any tips for being more confident in life?

[ This is a collaborative post and as such the ideas expressed here are that of the author ]

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35 comments

Nourish October 12, 2020 - 4:16 pm

Couldn’t agree more with this! “Fake it ’til you make it” is something I’ve heard often over the past several years. I didn’t think it would work, but it actually does!

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 12:19 pm

I’m glad you found it can work, too! I know confidence is a much deeper thing but actually faking it can teach us something about ourselves and how confidence feels, so we can learn from it and realise we can feel stronger in ourselves, that it is possible. Thanks for the comment lovely xx

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Patty Richardson October 12, 2020 - 4:22 pm

A great post!!!!! Inspiring and informative! Thanks for sharing. ????
Check out BRENE BROWN. “DARING GREATLY”. She does research about ….Shame.

TED TALK….
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 12:18 pm

Ooo this looks interesting. There are some amazing people to discover through TED talks so thank you for sharing this, Patty! ????

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kinge November 9, 2020 - 1:10 pm

Very insightful. Confidence is a necessity to a successful life. I like what you’ve said on social media in relation to what confidence is. ‘People only allow you to see what they want you to see’and confidence isn’t the outside appearance but inner development and belief in self

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johnrieber October 12, 2020 - 5:34 pm

Terrific insight!

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 12:18 pm

Cheers, John! Hope you have a great week ahead ????

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Sandee October 12, 2020 - 5:45 pm

This is spot on. You can be confident with some things and not with others.

Have a fabulous day and week, Caz. ♥

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 12:17 pm

Absolutely, confidence doesn’t always apply with everything and in every situation. Thanks, Sandee – hope you both had a lovely cruise! xx

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InspiresN October 12, 2020 - 5:56 pm

Wonderfully written Caz , so much to think about .I especially love “what you think of yourself is what matters” really profound! It’s true insecurity is a universal feeling , nice tips on how to nurture confidence as well. Thank you for sharing!

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 12:16 pm

I’m really glad you liked it, Nisha, thank you  ♥ xx

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The Dragon's Picnic October 12, 2020 - 6:22 pm

This is so true and I think it is always surprising when someone appears very confident but then you find out they do not really feel as confident as they appear. It is said that we “teach people how to treat us” and this would be a good example of that.

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 11:51 am

It can be surprising, can’t it? We see celebrities sometimes who seem so confident and like they have it all, but they suffer with anxiety, mental health, lack of confidence. It’s not surprising that people in our own circles day to day aren’t always what they appear on the outside either. We never really know what someone else feels or what they’re going through. I love that expression of how we “teach people how to treat us”. A little more compassion can only be a good thing. Thanks for the great comment ???? x

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Darnell Cureton October 12, 2020 - 6:40 pm

This is a very positive post. What I take from it is these 3 words mentioned: Believe In Yourself! That’s the main thing to help you persevere. ????

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tinytearstoni October 12, 2020 - 7:17 pm

Love this post Caz. You radiate something within which is visible to those around you. I also feel it is doing something out of your comfort zone, to have the confidence to do it, to see it through. If it doesn’t work out they way you envisaged, you will have the confidence to do something similar again and to try not to let the first set back stop you. It is as the comment above, ‘believing in yourself’.x

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 11:48 am

Absolutely, getting out of our comfort zone is a challenge that can be beneficial even if it doesn’t go as we’d hoped. As long as it’s not disastrous (which could put us off trying ever again!) we can learn from it and realise we can do, even if it’s scary. I’m glad you liked the post, Toni. Thanks lovely – Hope you have a good rest of your week & that work goes as well as possible xx

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 11:50 am

Only three small words but there’s so much power in them! I hope you remember those when you hit a writing slump, Darnell ★

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Masha October 12, 2020 - 7:55 pm

This is so true, it’s taken me years to become truly confident in myself, great post. Thank you xo

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 11:46 am

It really can be a long, difficult process. I think it’s worthwhile though, wouldn’t you agree? I’m glad you’re in a more confidence place than you once were, Masha  ♥ xx

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Masha October 13, 2020 - 1:09 pm

Thank you Caz, absolutely worth everything. I’ve been meaning to mention to you that, and I’m not sure if it’s my computer or it’s on your end, but the place where I would click on ‘like’ stays on ‘loading’ and I’m unable to click on like your comment.

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Looking for the Light October 12, 2020 - 8:07 pm

Well, confidence is from way down deep in your soul. Although you will have times hone you feel less confident most of the time your comfortable in your skin. you’re a confident person, I can tell when you are having one of your days but your confident and that shows thru. That is also what makes you a leader, leaders have to be confident. Your a great leader, WEGO Health, and all the voters know that. Tell me what does all the google stuff mean at the bottom of your post? I feel like I’m missing out on something. Mine don’t say that. Hugs.

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 11:45 am

Aw thank you, Mel! I’ve struggled with confidence since I was younger because I was wracked with social anxiety. It’s been a tough way out through that but I think struggling with my health and needing to stand up for myself have forced me to be more confident and assertive. So I guess there are some silver linings if we look hard enough. I’m not sure what Google stuff you mean – is it maybe an advert? That might be it. Don’t worry, you’re not missing anything! ???? xx

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B October 12, 2020 - 8:35 pm

Guilty as charged. I was faking it when I was younger. Being ill can seriouly get in the way, which is why you need to try harder, though it pays off eventually.
From my experince, the more people talk the more they are trying to hide their little flaws and insecurities.

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 12:22 pm

I’m sorry you had to go through faking it, too and I’d agree there, being ill can seriously get in the way. I know I’ve felt my confidence and my whole sense of self take a massive dent through illness, my stoma and all that jazz. You make a good point with those that talk more and are generally quite bold and brazen, as they are often the ones with greater insecurities. Trying to over-compensate perhaps. xx

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Mrs. Ram Jam October 12, 2020 - 11:47 pm

I always fake it until I make it when it comes to confidence. And when that fails, I hide behind humor. ????‍♀️

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 11:43 am

Same here – I find humour is a great way to deflect but it also makes me feel less self-conscious. I imagine it may be a little similar for you. x

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Tim O'Connor October 13, 2020 - 2:20 am

Very good analysis. Some discard positive thinking, but we can drift into negative thinking if we are not aware of our thoughts. So, Why not be positive?

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InvisiblyMe October 13, 2020 - 11:43 am

An excellent way to look at it, Tim. “Why not?” I do think it’s all too easy to drift into negative thinking, almost like it’s a default setting. Thank you for the comment – I hope you’re keeping as well as possible ????

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msgracefulnot October 13, 2020 - 12:47 pm

I won’t claim that I have confidence, more determination. When I’m focused on a goal,there is no room to care what anyone thinks. It’s funny when I stopped trying to make people like me, more did…. lol

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mentalhealth360.uk October 13, 2020 - 2:56 pm

A well written post, once again, covering confidence, what it is and what it’s not. I often used the ‘fake it til you make it’ strategy which worked a little, but obvs it was so much better when I actually felt the confidence.

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Terri, Reclaiming Hope October 13, 2020 - 3:43 pm

Another insightful and important post Caz! You made some brilliant points about building confidence. As you said, everyone can have insecurities, even if they don’t show it. The whole “fake it till you make it” thing really does have merit. Sometimes you just need to do your “Wonder Woman pose” to help you feel more confident, then step into whatever situation is making you feel insecure. I agree 100% that positive thinking can make a huge impact on our confidence. Like you said, that can push out some of the fear and negativity and make room for more positive outcomes. A fabulous post as always!

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Holly October 16, 2020 - 9:41 pm

This is an incredibly important topic Caz and this collaborative post covers so many of the angles that we might face on any given day or stage in life. Insecurity is not limited to age, race, gender, social status, or any other status. It can affect everyone. We need to be much more mindful that often, the negative behaviors we see on the outside, are typically just manifestations of an inward belief (or insecurity). It helps us give grace when we’d honestly rather not because we’re ticked off!

My favorite part of this message by far was under, “what you think of yourself is what matters.” Yes, yes, and yes again! It’s absolutely true! As someone myself who is brutal to herself and has suffered from severely low self-esteem, self-worth, and self-belief for years, I can attest to this. It’s always nice to hear from others that we matter, but the truth is, WE have to believe that we matter. Even if no one else sees our worth, we need to have a knowing deep inside that we are in fact worthy — no matter what!

We really do need to be our own best friend and cheerleader. We were created with a purpose only we can fulfill in this life. There will never be another us, no matter how hard anyone tries. It’s one of the many reasons we should never try to be like anyone else ourselves. We are unique and blessed in the way we are for a reason. We weren’t made for someone else’s story. Everything we need is made for *our* story.

Sending my love to you, dearest Caz. This is another spectacular blog post for Invisibly Me. ❤

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Kally October 18, 2020 - 2:53 pm

An awesome article! I find confidence comes easily if you think positive thoughts.

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James Viscosi October 18, 2020 - 5:15 pm

This kind of reminds me of a book my wife read once called “If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get out of the Boat”, which was about having the confidence to take risks and such. At the time she told me something to the effect of “I’m not sure you’re ever even IN the boat”, which surprised me, because I don’t think of myself as a particularly confident person. Maybe I fake it well …

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Despite Pain October 20, 2020 - 10:36 am

“You can fake confidence” I believe there are a lot of people out there who come across as extremely confident who are far from it but they have managed to achieve the knack of appearing as though they do. I’ve always lacked in self-confidence and have never been good at faking it either. I need lessons.

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