Today officially marks another year down, another year older, and yet it all feels rather familiar to the previous years. But there are big changes this year, some positive and others not so much. I’m trying to weigh up how I feel but honestly, I’m quite conflicted. This is just a quick post today because I want to share my birthday with you guys, the friends online, anyone who takes the time to read/comment here… You mean a lot to me and I hugely appreciate it! I’d share birthday cake with you if I could! ♥
I don’t think this will be an overly positive post, whereas most birthday posts are that I tend to see on blogs and social media. People wake up to surprises, a partner, lunch with friends, drinks in town in the evening, smiley faces and laughter all around. I guess I feel a little on my own, lost at sea (for lack of a better cliche!) and I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. The awful weather – cold, rain, like it’s winter – probably doesn’t help anyone much either.
Birthdays are a social convention. We have attributed meaning and feeling to the date we’re born and the celebration that comes with it each year. But if you don’t have the prerequisite features such as friends or things to feel joyful about then it all goes a little downhill.
I got my own birthday cake and present so my folks had something to give me, and that’s okay. I’ll have Facebook comments on my ‘wall’ because of the obligatory nature of social media when it all but commands you wish the birthday boy or gal a nice day. What others don’t see is what’s underneath that, or perhaps what isn’t.
Then it leads you to reflection. You’re getting older. What have you done with those years? Have you hit the socially prescribed milestones, like a career, a home (or at least moving out), a relationship, a marriage, a child, anything at all that suggests you are valued as a human being at your age? It’s all bullshit, I know that, and I’d be the first person to say it to someone else. But it’s hard when you have to say it to yourself. Especially if you’re a hypocrite like me where you seem to apply one rule to others and another to yourself.
This isn’t supposed to be a pity-me post. I’m not feeling sorry for myself (though it probably sounds like it, apologies) but I’m trying to be honest in showing that some days, like birthdays, can be hard because there are expectations, or because they make you think (even more than usual) and reflect, and it’s not always a positive experience for everyone.
I don’t need parties, being surrounded by people, surprises or gifts galore, and I fully believe you can make the best of whatever situation you’re in by changing your perspective and adjusting your expectations. But that doesn’t mean things can’t still hurt or feel disappointing, that you’ll never again measure yourself against others, or that the future will be any less scary.
So, will you join me on my little party for one? How about a slice of cake? A cheeky little drink? Cheers – to all of you, to health, to happiness, to being ourselves and not apologising for it.
And on a brighter side note… while I don’t think that money/objects/possessions can buy you happiness, they can bring a little smile. For my present, as my mother said she had no idea what to get, I went halves with her on a new pair of Dr Martens, kids (cheaper and they fit my smaller tootsies), and with a discount code and cashback. And very happy I am stomping around with them indeed!
Have yourself a good day everyone. Thanks for stopping by!