I just wanted to give a very quick update to apologise for the radio silence. I’ve been back to the glorious hospital by way of A&E. It’s getting a 0 TripAdvisor rating so I wouldn’t recommend it.
I knew things hadn’t been quite right for the last week or so, but I figured they’d sort themselves out. On Tuesday morning, it hit and it was excruciating. Same thing that’s happened various times before – my insides had twisted around themselves and that in turn messed up my stoma. I’m back home now and had the best shower, which was very much needed!
So much for bravery. I was bawling my eyes out on the day I had to go in. I was so damn desperate not to go. I waited as long as I could before I knew it wasn’t going to get any better. Sometimes these problems happen at home and resolve, other times they don’t. The last time was May that I went to A&E. This time, my body chose the one bloody heatwave in September to land me in the humid, airless hospital. I love the warmer weather. I just wanted to stay home in my Hello Kitty t-shirt eating ice-cream.
A&E IV Mishap
No selfies in the hospital. My face was just a state. I think the IV morphine did a number on my face making half of it lopsided.
Funny story, they gave me IV Buscopan at the A&E department (which I said no to but they gave it anyway) and it nearly gave me a heart attack. Heart rate shot up from just under 100 to past 175 and I felt my heart was going to rip out of my chest. That was pretty scary!
Misanthropic Medical Staff
I don’t understand how I can get so many borderline evil nurses. I had a few really nice ones in my local hospital prior to be taken to the next hospital. It wasn’t long before I was pretty much clawing at my skin desperate to get out.
I wore a new 3M mask into the hospital and asked them to please put it with my bag because I need it for whenever I go home. They lost it. I was challenged over something I said no to because I knew I was right, making me very upset. I asked I can’t remember how many times if I could get a glass of water to take the tablets I was given, but nothing came, then I get spoken to like a child for not taking them.
I had a nurse spill shit all over me, literally, and I came out of the hospital with no trousers. I asked for ice cream as I was told to try eating after two days no food, and a nurse threw a warm ice cream pot onto my table, so warm that it was totally liquid and it has started to separate with yellow clumps underneath. Oh yes, the joy of hospital trips.
I’ve had better and I’ve had a hell of a lot worse too from other A&E visits and surgical stays. What’s also a bit worrying this time was the state of the hospital. Let’s just say it wasn’t exactly “Covid-secure”. General hygiene was a problem let alone virus prevention.
I’m grateful for the handful of nice nurses, and the two really nice guys in the ambulance that I chatted to about rock music, Superwoman, the NHS and the best/worst hospital to land in when you’re sick. I’m not as grateful for the misanthropic nurses that are mean and make any patient’s stay more miserable than it has to be. If you don’t like people, why become a nurse?
I live in a big University town. The hospital has an A&E department that serves lots of smaller towns in addition. The NHS trust has wanted to close the A&E for a while but after much petitioning they agreed to shelve the idea. Then covid hit and they had an excuse card to play. They closed it for 3 months temporarily, but it was closed before they claimed it had (I know because I turned up there in May!) and it’s now over 4 months, still shut. Word is they’re staying shut until next year but there’s no explanation given as to how this is a good idea.
My bet is that these sorts of decisions, much like reducing and removing painkillers, are made by people that don’t use the services and won’t be affected negatively by the fallout.
I went to my local hospital on Tuesday and the A&E was still shut. I was triaged, doped up on morphine, then waited over 4.5 hours for an ambulance to the hospital in the next city.
I’ve written back and forth to the NHS trust and have heard not a peep back about the closure of my local A&E. I’ve Tweeted, signed petitions. I’ve written to the MP. I suppose it doesn’t matter about the patients harmed in the interim, the ones going to the next city over and not making it in time, the ones lining up for hours to get an ambulance or be seen by a doctor.
Home Sweet Home
Rant over. I need to work on stressing less but everything seems to be going against that. I got home to hundreds of emails, lots of things I need to do, work to catch up on, grocery shopping I need to get for my folks, and I’m in so, so much pain everywhere. Hospital beds and the so-called ‘pillows’ are not comfortable, especially with things like fibromyalgia and nerve damage. I’m very, very glad to be home.
My folks came to pick me up and as soon as we got home I said “dad, wash your hands!” He actually laughed and said he missed that. He was getting annoyed with me over the months with nagging him to wash his hands and anti-bac everything because of the pandemic, so I imagine it was quieter at home without me saying that every 5 minutes.
I’m super happy to be home. But the joy from that feels short lived. I’m frazzled and I just want the world to stop for a minute so I can catch my breath. The problem is, the world doesn’t stop and there will always be a lot of things to do, there will always be the next challenge, those things we say to ourselves that “once we get past this/that/the other” we’ll do things differently. We’ll prioritise self-care, just as soon as we’ve got this other stuff out of the way.
I’ll leave my ramble here for now. I’m not sure if makes the slightest bit of sense but I wanted to quickly update everyone here as to why I dropped off the face of the earth for a few days. I did post on social media to say I was in hospital, so I just wanted to say a huge thank you for all the lovely comments on there. It really does warm my heart, which is thankfully going at regular speed again!
I can’t imagine having to go back again but it sounds like this is just what it’ll be like because there’s apparently no way to stop this from happening. I can’t even think about that. It’s not something I find easy to accept. It’s a ticking bomb in my tum and you’ll never know when it’ll go off next. I wish someone would turn the music off in my tum so my insides would stop dancing. It’s tiring me out.
Are You Overwhelmed?
If you’re feeling super stressed and overwhelmed, now is the time to take a step back. Stop waiting to get past a certain challenge or to finish your your to-do list before you take time out for yourself. Now is that time to recalibrate. Now is that time to look after yourself and do some of the things you want to do. Now is the time to let go of the small stresses and things that don’t really matter, to focus on what does matter. Save your valuable, limited energy for what counts.
I’ve written this in a bit of a jumble so I hope it makes some kind of sense! I’ll hopefully be back to reading blogs & catching up with everyone soon.
I hope everyone’s keeping as well as possible. Sending lots of love.