Home Lifestyle 8 Ways To Nurture Your Self-Confidence

8 Ways To Nurture Your Self-Confidence

by InvisiblyMe
A photo looking up to the blue cloudy sky with lots of pink and red balloons close up. Overlaid is the post title: 8 ways to nurture your self-confidence.

Nurturing Self-Confidence

Wouldn’t it be good if we could let go of assessing ourselves so negatively? What would happen if we felt confident enough to live freely? Too many of us are sadly our own worst enemies and it’s no wonder low self-confidence is a widespread problem, especially with images of beauty and perfection all around us. If you live with chronic illness, you might have found, like I have, that your self-esteem, confidence & body image all take a knock because of your health battles, too.

It’s time to embrace who you are, ditch the guilt and self-loathing, and nurture your inner awesomeness. 

♥ ♥ ♥

1. Caring A Little Less

I’m not one to encourage apathy, but I think there’s a lot to be said for learning to care a little less about what doesn’t matter so much. That includes sweating the small stuff and worrying about the things that, in the grand scheme of life, don’t really matter. The truth is, most people are too absorbed by worries about how they’re being judged to have the time to bother judging you anyway.

We might not even be fully conscious of worrying about how we’re perceived by society, but it affects how we feel and how we behave on a subconscious level. I’ve learned to care less about what others may think of me, but it’s a pervasive habit. Do they think I look too fat or too thin? Does my face look awful? Do they think I’ve wasted my life and achieved nothing? Do they think I’m faking being sick? Do they think I’m worthless? 

When it comes to how we look, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying dressing up or putting on make-up and caring about your appearance. That’s very different to hiding under all of that out of shame or embarrassment or self-loathing. 

Whether it’s caring about what others think of your appearance, the car you drive or the amount of money you earn, the weight of these worries will continue to get heavier the longer you carry them.

I also find that being able to laugh at yourself is a skill that should be mastered. A lighter approach can really take the edge off whatever you’re dealing with. Face the worry head on and realise that you don’t need the approval or permission of others. You don’t have to hide who you are or feel you have to explain yourself. 

Remove the filters and start embracing everything that makes you YOU.

2. Nothing Compares 2 U

Sinead O’Connor got this one spot on. As cheesy as it sounds, you are 100% unique and that’s what makes the world so exciting. If we all looked the same and lived identical lives that would be insanely boring.

What makes you, YOU? Cheese alert: What things do you love about yourself? This can be a surprisingly difficult question for many of us to answer. If you’re struggling, stand outside of yourself and think about what a friend might say. Even better, ask a friend or loved one what they like about you. Speak to your online friends and ask for their opinion. 

I asked on Instagram & Facebook what people loved about themselves, and it was great to see some self-positivity.

Try to sketch a little list of the things you like about yourself. It’s easier said than done to suddenly wake up one morning and love yourself, but appreciating the small things is a good start. Don’t focus too narrowly either. It’s not just your appearance. It’s your personality, your strengths, your compassion, sense of humour. Consider your achievements, your actions, your beliefs, your morals. What big and small things are you grateful for? What parts of you do you like?

Instead of picking yourself apart to critique and berate, start celebrating those things that make you different to everyone else. Embrace them. What is it about you that makes you uniquely you? The bigger nose, the wonky eye, the geekiness, the sarcasm, the stoma bag. Yes, these are my unique points! If you’re one of the chronic illness warriors, don’t feel confined to the parts of your body that don’t work well either. You’re more than your illness. 

Celebrate what makes you YOU, without apology.

3. Take A Leap Of Faith

Sometimes we just need to take a deep breath and dive right in. If you want to shake things up and change your style, do it. If you want to start mingling again then sign up to dating websites like we love dates and see what happens. You’ll never know unless you give it a go. You can still be smart about your actions but sometimes it helps to take a chance and a leap of faith, moving us out of our comfort zones to really grow and experience life.

Some say the most painful regrets are the things not said and done. I know I have long list of these. Fear, worry and low self-confidence can be barriers preventing us from doing the things we want to do or saying the things we’ve been itching to say. It might be a case of not being sure of the outcome so we don’t take the risk, but sometimes the cost of not doing something is far greater. Resentment, depression and regret are tough things to live with. 

If it’s fear and apprehension borne from low self-confidence that’s holding you back, it’s time to give yourself the opportunity to shake them off, face the fear and take action!

4. Big & Small Self-Care 

Self-care can be divided into small and big elements. It applies to everyone, every gender, every background. Despite the stereotyping, self-care isn’t a ‘female-only’ thing. The smaller aspects of self-care add up and it’s about indulging yourself a little with the things that make you feel good. This is where the bubble baths, candles and face masks come in. Take time out to do the things you enjoy, without feeling guilty for not being productive with your to-do list. Read a good book with a hot chocolate, play computer games, have a movie marathon. 

Instead of saving the nice things for the ‘right time’ or when you feel you deserve them, use them or do them now. That TV series you’ve been holding off watching, that special chocolate bar you’ve been saving, the pretty jewellery or the fancy dining plates. Don’t leave it too late to make the most of them. If you put off the good things you’ve been saving, you’ll find they go out of date, are no longer available, go mouldy or lose their shine. I’ve done this so many times myself, waiting for the right occasion or a time when I feel deserving enough, and of course that time never comes. There’s no time like the present.

A photo taken of products on my white desk of the gifted products for this self-confidence post. Products include a colourful candle, Pukka teabags, face mask, rose metal balm, Tony's chocolate bar, Love Hearts and Sanctuary body wash. The candle is lit and a card with a quote is attached to the magnetic board behind, reading, "And in great decay comes great renewal. Life finds a way out of the darkest spots".
Small Self Care Adds Up

Then comes the bigger self-care. This is about being assertive, advocating for your needs, saying no when you need to, letting go of guilt. 

All self-care is about making you a priority. It’s not selfish, even though many of us feel guilty for taking time out or standing up for ourselves. Looking after you is about realising that you’re important too and that you’re worth looking after.

5. Heal Past Hurts

Healing and self-care go hand in hand. Sometimes the scars in our past are what contribute to making us feel less deserving or less beautiful. We come to doubt ourselves and judge ourselves harshly. Being confident and happy and trusting in yourself aren’t things you have to earn; you deserve to be the version of yourself you want to be, and part of that is recognising the effect the past has had on you and healing those hurts. 

Reach out to friends and loved ones, check out some self-help books to gain a new perspective, or seek professional support if you need it. There’s no rush to heal.

6. Self-Confidence : Fake It ’Til You Make It

Before you can get to the point of authentic self-confidence and self-love, it might be an idea to try it on for size. Talk, walk, think and behave like the person you want to be, the person you feel you are under the surface. Head up, make eye contact and be fearless. How does it feel? Actors can do it and so can you. Fake it ’til you make it. The beauty of this is that once you see you can fake it, you’ll realise you’re capable of making it.

Much like studies suggesting how smiling can help to improve our mood and make us feel happier, acting more confidently on the outside could help us to feel more confident on the inside. 

7. Be Mindful & Non-Judgemental Towards Yourself

We can be our own biggest critics and many of us have a pretty cruel inner voice. You probably don’t even realise how often you do it or how automatic the negative thoughts are. It’s just normal and natural after years of berating yourself. Being mindful is about catching those thoughts and paying attention to them. Notice what you say to yourself and the tone of voice used. Notice also how you speak about yourself when talking to others. Start recognising the patterns and just how often it happens. Why do you think you treat yourself the way you do? Do you feel you don’t deserve better? 

Then it’s time to work on silencing that vocal little critic. Challenge the underlying reasons you treat yourself the way you do. You might notice the tendency seeps out into other areas of life. Perhaps you don’t take enough down time because you feel guilty, and you feel you always need to be productive; if you’re not productive, you’re not worthy, and so you never treat yourself or enjoy things without guilt poking you in the eye. Behind the narration of your life is often a deeper story waiting to unfold.

A black and white photo of me on the sofa with my legs up. I'm holding a cup of tea and looking down, almost sad and contemplative. A small table is in front of me with self-care goodies, like tea bags, chocolate and cream.

Identify these patterns and start to dig underneath them, uprooting the weeds of self-hate so you can plant seeds of self-compassion in their place. Speak to yourself as you would a best friend or loved one. Be kind, be gentle and be non-judgemental. 

8. Appreciate All Achievements

If you don’t already, it’s time to start celebrating all of your achievements, no matter how small. The goal posts change when living with chronic illness so a lot of my goals are smaller ones and a lot of my personal achievements may seem insignificant to someone else. But there should be no comparison because your journey and your achievements are uniquely your own. 

Have reasonable, achievable goals that suit you and your abilities, and acknowledge everything you manage to accomplish. If you’re feeling awful but you got out of bed anyway, that’s an achievement. Whether you wrote half a blog post, or finished an entire novel, well done. Whether you’re prepared one meal for yourself this week or you’ve bagged a job in a Michelin restaurant, well done. 

Big or small, they all count. Recognising the good things you’re achieving day to day will remind you that you’re actually pretty damn awesome, but you’re probably too busy berating yourself to usually notice. 

A black scroll divider.

Caz ♥

Now is the time to stop berating yourself & stop picking yourself apart for critique. You’re more than what you look like, more than an illness, more than the job you have or the way you talk. Embrace every part of yourself & love each bit. It’s only your own opinion that truly matters, and there’s only one you in the world. That makes you pretty damn awesome.

Has low self-confidence had an impact on your life? What do you find helps in making you feel confident about yourself?

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[ This is a gifted & sponsored post written by myself ]

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62 comments

mimionlife October 15, 2020 - 4:34 pm

We definitely need to take the time to care for ourselves. I read the Bible. I’m an author so I write everyday. I pray. I find comfort in sitting still. Thank you for the reminders to be kind to ourselves.

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InvisiblyMe October 16, 2020 - 4:00 pm

Those are all wonderful things to bring some balance into your life & nurture your wellbeing, Mimi  ♥ I hope you have a relaxing weekend ahead full of small joys! xx

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ashleyleia October 15, 2020 - 4:40 pm

Being able to laugh at oneself makes such a massive difference.

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InvisiblyMe October 16, 2020 - 4:28 pm

I totally agree. I realised this when I was 16, painfully shy and saw a whole new perspective from my fun-loving boyfriend at the time who taught me how to laugh at myself. What a difference it made.
I hope you’re keeping as well as possible, Ashley xx

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Sandee October 15, 2020 - 6:48 pm

I laugh at myself often. These are all great points.

Have a fabulous day, Caz. Big hug. ♥

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InvisiblyMe October 16, 2020 - 4:34 pm

It makes a big difference to be able to laugh at ourselves & not take things too seriously sometimes, isn’t it? Thanks for reading, Sandee. Have yourself a lovely weekend ???? x

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Kim October 15, 2020 - 8:08 pm

These are all great points. I think we all need to take care of ourselves a little more, and, be kind to ourselves. I’ve recently started a gratitude and achievements lists which have definitely helped.

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InvisiblyMe October 16, 2020 - 4:36 pm

Those lists sound like a great idea, Kim. I hope you can make self-care a priority this weekend, because it really is so important ???? xx

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annieasksyou October 15, 2020 - 9:48 pm

All wise and helpful advice, dear Caz.
Annie xx

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InvisiblyMe October 16, 2020 - 4:38 pm

Thank you, Annie, I hope you liked it. How’re you keeping? I hope all’s going as well as possible. Take good care of yourself & stay safe lovely ???? xx

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notesoflifeuk October 15, 2020 - 10:27 pm

Thanks for this… I often find myself lacking in self-confidence.

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InvisiblyMe October 16, 2020 - 4:41 pm

I’m sorry you struggle with it, too. Do you know any of the underlying feelings and reasons, like not feeling good enough or because of experiences you’ve had in the past? You deserve to feel more confident in yourself ???? x

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Blogging_with_Bojana October 15, 2020 - 10:30 pm

I have yet to learn to care less when it really doesn’t matter.

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InvisiblyMe October 16, 2020 - 4:44 pm

I find it to be a continual work-in-progress. Sometimes it’s a control thing, which means I need to stress the small stuff to get some control and also to act as a distraction.

I did a post on it before – https://invisiblyme.com/2019/07/10/learningtocare-alittleless/

And some books that are fab for this kind of perspective – https://invisiblyme.com/2018/03/27/giving-less-fucks-books-to-read/

Talking about it and doing it are two different things. Small steps might be best to caring a little less about the unimportant. xx

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Greg Dennison October 16, 2020 - 3:30 am

I’ve had low self-confidence all my life. My parents paid lip service to stuff I did as a kid but didn’t understand any of it and never acted interested. In elementary school (I think you call it primary school over there, haha), I was always in trouble, because I was the kid who was constantly bullied and teased and called horrible names, and when I couldn’t take it anymore, I would act out and start hitting people and throwing things, so I’d get in trouble, and the kids who said such horrible things to me, nothing happened to them. And my lack of success in romantic relationships in my teen and young adult years made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Life is better now (except for all the COVID crap going on), but I still haven’t gotten over the way I was always treated.

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InvisiblyMe October 16, 2020 - 5:31 pm

I’ll call you ‘Greg’ for this. I’m so sorry for the shit you had to go through and put up with. I’ve always found it galling bullies and the not-so-nice individuals seemingly get away with hurting others. Green Day said it well with how the “nice guys finish last”. I prefer not to see it that way though. Goodness will always win out, and I’d prefer to be that better person regardless. I hope you can see it like that too. Healing those past hurts isn’t easy. I personally have found I’m not even always aware of it. I was also bullied and had a lot of things happen that I’d rather bury down and forget, and those experiences can impact us in ways we don’t realise. There’s certainly nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You’re a good soul with a talent for creativity that those bullies would be jealous of. x

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Eddie October 16, 2020 - 11:48 am

Some great advice, some of these I need to take on for myself.

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InvisiblyMe October 16, 2020 - 5:34 pm

I’m glad you liked the post & I hope you can take these points for on yourself in your own life. Thanks for the comment, Eddie. Good luck with the home schooling!

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Stacey Chapman October 16, 2020 - 2:51 pm

These are some *really* great tips, Caz. Having low self esteem affects everything and can prevent us from achieving all that we’re truly capable of. I tried to raise all my kids with confidence and it’s tough, because society, bullies and tv slowly chip away at that instilled confidence. That’s one of the few things I like about my 40’s. I’ve come to a place of acceptance of myself and forgetting anyone who doesn’t equally accept me. But it’s a long road to get there. You offer some really awesome and spot on advice here. Thank you.
❤️Stace❤️
fightingwithfibro.com

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InvisiblyMe October 16, 2020 - 6:40 pm

Aw thank you, I’m really glad you liked the post!

You’re right, society, people and media can chip away at us, sometimes without us even realising it. Low self-confidence can hold us back from life and it’s sad because it’s a life missed when it shouldn’t be that way. I’m glad you’re coming to a stronger place at this point in your life, a time of greater confidence and caring a little less about those things and opinions that don’t really matter. It’s a long road but a worthwhile one to travel. Keep travelling it in style, Stace! ???? xx

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Gemma - Wheelescapades October 16, 2020 - 4:47 pm

I love this post! And it’s so important. We worry way too much about the what ifs and what other people think. Mainly age has made me more confident in my thoughts and actions. Partly the caring less I think. Others matter so much more when you’re young. Not that I don’t care, I still worry too much!

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InvisiblyMe October 16, 2020 - 6:42 pm

I’d agree there. When I was younger, the opinions of others meant more and I was more easily swayed by media, too. I think part of it’s age and part of it’s what I’ve been through with my health that have helped in making me more assertive and confident, but I’ve still got a way to go. I’m glad you’ve found similar with getting gradually more confident in your thoughts & actions. Like you, I still worry too much. Hopefully that too will change in time; you’ll look back and be able to say you worry just a tiny bit less as time goes on. Thanks for the thoughtful comment lovely  ♥ xx

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Gemma - Wheelescapades October 19, 2020 - 11:32 am

I agree, experience absolutely helps. And some of us have had way too much in our lives already!

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Gemma October 16, 2020 - 10:45 pm

I’ve struggled with low self-esteem for as long as I can remember, so I just had to read this post. You’ve shared some really innovative and practical ways for boosting self-confidence, so thank you. I’m actually bookmarking this page so that whenever I’m having a day when I’m being hard on myself, this can act as a reminder that I am good enough and I should celebrate my achievements. Thanks for a great post Caz.

Gemma x

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:12 pm

I’m sorry you’ve struggled with your self-esteem too, Gemma. It’s a continual work-in-progress for me too and I find things like inspirational quotes and posts helpful for that little boost here and there. I really hope this and other content you find can help. Every little adds up I think as we try to nurture that deep-down confidence in ourselves. You really are good enough & all of your achievements – many of which I’ll bet you’re not even aware of – are absolutely worth celebrating! xx

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Gemma October 21, 2020 - 4:31 pm

Aww thanks Caz. Your comment has certainly given me a little boost! 🙂

Gemma x

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Tim O'Connor October 16, 2020 - 10:48 pm

These are all excellent points. All of us need to remember these daily. Thank you.

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:14 pm

I agree, they’re things we all need to remember so we can nurture our inner confidence and start to really trust and believe in ourselves. Thanks for reading, Tim! I hope the week is treating you kindly so far ????

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Michele Anderson October 16, 2020 - 11:05 pm

This is a great post Caz on getting us to feel good about ourselves and getting on with our life. We are all unique and that’s pretty darn special. We have to learn to accept and love all the bits of ourselves.

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:15 pm

Absolutely! We can be our own worst enemies far too often, picking ourselves apart and finding the rest of our confidence is chipped away by society and media. It’s time to nurture our confidence and love ourselves as we are, every tiny bit of ourselves. Thanks for the great comment, Michele. Sending hugs your way ???? x

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The Oceanside Animals October 18, 2020 - 5:11 pm

Charlee: “Self-confidence is one of the best things about being a cat.”
Chaplin: “Yes, it’s pretty much built in as part of the package.”
Charlee: “Being able to leap like ten feet into the air is part of it.”
Chaplin: “So are the murder mittens.”
Lulu: “You two are a little bit scary sometimes …”

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:20 pm

Those murderous paws with knife-like claws!
Cats have got the self-confidence down to a T. They take over the house like they own it & they know how to wrap us mere humans around their ickle paws! xx

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rebeccassoapdeli October 18, 2020 - 5:28 pm

Thanks so much for these tips. I really needed these this week!

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:22 pm

I’m glad you liked them – thanks for reading! I hope the rest of the week is brighter for you ????

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Lauren October 19, 2020 - 3:55 pm

This is a really helpful post. These tips are really helpful. This post is really positive. Thank you for sharing.

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:23 pm

Aw thanks, Lauren – I’m glad you liked it! I hope you’re keeping well & having a good week lovely xx

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Despite Pain October 20, 2020 - 10:56 am

Thank you, I need this. I just said in one of your previous posts about confidence, “I need lessons” and here they are! Each tip here is so important and we all should practice them daily. Caring a little less is possibly the most important but also the most difficult. Thank you for this post, Caz.

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:27 pm

I’ve also found that caring less is incredibly difficult. This is where our personalities can play a big role in how we cope with things, how confident (or not) we are, and so on. This post is like a manual of the ways to nurture your confidence in a ‘do as I say and not as I do’ kind of a way ???? I’m really glad you liked it, Liz. I wish you felt more confident in yourself, or at least I wish you could see yourself from the perspective of others who see how awesome you are. We can be our biggest critics and worst enemies sometimes. Thank you for the great comment. ???? xx

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D. Wallace Peach October 20, 2020 - 1:51 pm

This is a great list. And the ideas for self confidence (and happiness) are each powerful in their own right. I like how you emphasize the small changes too. Not every step has to be earth-shattering. Those small steps can help build momentum. Wonderful post. 🙂

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:28 pm

Exactly, even the small steps add up. I think I’ve come to appreciate that so much more in these last few years. Also, big changes can be really daunting and perhaps a little unrealistic, so the small changes will likely get us to where we want to get more effectively. I’m really glad you liked the list of ideas – thanks! ????

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forresting365 October 20, 2020 - 2:19 pm

Wow, Caz!!! This is ALL wonderful advice and a super sweet Love letter to the world! Thank You!!! I am going to horribly paraphrase and can’t even remember who I’m paraphrasing, ????, but the other day I heard/read someone say that even the most horrid regime in the world wouldn’t hire our inner critics that we turn on ourselves constantly to be a judge in their courts. We’re unbelievably cruel, harsh and unfair when it comes to how we view ourselves. These are all great reminders and I was happy to come across them today!!! Sending You the biggest hugs! Thanks again!!! ❤️❤️❤️

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:37 pm

Aww thank you, Katy!  ♥ What an awesome comment – that really made me smile. “A love letter to the world” is such a sweet way to put it, I love that. I’d also agree with what the other person said recently; we really can be so horrid to ourselves, can’t we? In the grand scheme of things, without sounding morbid, we’re all we’ve got. It’s just us in our brains, in our bodies, and we’re alone in that sense. Why not be a little kinder to ourselves? Thank you again for the beautiful comment! I hope you’re keeping as well as possible lovely ???? xx

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Terri, Reclaiming Hope October 20, 2020 - 3:04 pm

These are some wonderful tips Caz! It seems we all lack self-confidence in one way or another, doesn’t it? My favorite paragraph in this whole post was “Notice what you say to yourself and the tone of voice used. Notice also how you speak about yourself when talking to others. Start recognising the patterns and just how often it happens. Why do you think you treat yourself the way you do? Do you feel you don’t deserve better?” We talk to ourselves horribly so often, and we really do have to start being kinder. We wouldn’t talk that way to someone else, so why on earth do we talk to ourselves this way? Thanks for such a beautiful reminder that we need to be careful what we’re putting into our minds about ourselves. Sending hugs your way!

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:40 pm

Sadly it does seem like a wide-spread issue far too many deal with, lacking self-confidence in ways that affect our lives to one degree or another. And you’re right, we wouldn’t ever want to talk to someone else the way we talk to ourselves so why do we do it? Why not be a little kinder? I do think there’s a lot more under the surface, perhaps with feelings of being (or not being) worthy. I’m really pleased you liked the post, Terri. Thanking you muchly for the comment! xx

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Tiffany October 21, 2020 - 4:08 am

These are good tips. Thank you!

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:48 pm

You’re very welcome, I’m glad you liked them! ????

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deepanilamani October 21, 2020 - 12:45 pm

How are you Caz. Thanks for coming to My Blog and Reading and Appreciating what I write. I am Having Healing Energies as I am typing 21st October 9.43 PM in Brisbane Australia. So Take Good Care of Yourself. I Hope Your Health improves. May God’s Blessings Be Upon You <3 <3 <3

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:50 pm

I always enjoy your blog, Deepa, it’s a pleasure to read it. Thank you for stopping by here too. I hope those healing energies continue for you lovely  ♥ xx

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Deeksha Pathak October 21, 2020 - 1:07 pm

Laugh at our self is such a miraculous medicine.
Caz, thank you very much for this wonderful article.

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 4:55 pm

It really can lighten the load, can’t it? I found the ability to laugh at myself made a huge difference. Thanks for reading lovely – I hope you’re keeping as well as possible  ♥ xx

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Michelle Beltano Curtis October 21, 2020 - 2:17 pm

Fantastic tips, Caz! In recent years as part of my mental health journey, I’ve incorporated a quote that of course I can’t remember exactly…???? The gist is “what others think of me is none of my business.” And it helps to remind me that the perceptions others form about me have nothing to do with who I really am. What matters is what I think of myself and whether I live up to my own expectations. Definitely helps me to maintain perspective and maintain better confidence. Thanks for sharing some great ideas on other things that help, too! Xx

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InvisiblyMe October 21, 2020 - 5:00 pm

That’s a good general quote to live by right there! I think that should apply to others around us, strangers, society as a whole, the media… there’s too much pressure, too much worry of what others think of us even without us realising we’re having our confidence eroded. What we think of ourselves is really what matters. I’m glad seeing that perspective helps to you to keep you confidence a little more level. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Mykie! xx

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marandarussell October 22, 2020 - 11:05 pm

Self care has been hard lately for obvious reasons, but if I ever feel good enough to indulge again, I really need to do a few special things for myself. Lately self care has just been napping all the time to get rid of my headaches lol.

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InvisiblyMe November 16, 2020 - 12:21 pm

I’m sorry things have been going the way they have, Maranda. I empathise with the migraines. Self-care has gone out the window for me too but it’s far easier for me to give advice or encourage others than it is to do it myself! Please do try to think of some enjoyable things to do for yourself, no matter how small, when you feel up to them ???? xx

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Mrs. Ram Jam October 25, 2020 - 2:00 pm

Humor is a great strategy and being able to laugh things off as you suggest. I never would have lasted this long as a teacher if I took everything so seriously all the time.

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InvisiblyMe November 16, 2020 - 12:22 pm

Absolutely – humour is a must, isn’t it? I definitely think a lot of my old teachers lacked a sense of humour, or the job sucked it out of them, I’m not sure which! xx

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LaDonna Remy MSW, LICSW: Perspective on Trauma November 1, 2020 - 3:04 pm

This is a great list of strategies. I so appreciate the aspects of learning to balance others needs and wants with your own self care. It is a journey, for many of us.

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InvisiblyMe November 16, 2020 - 12:23 pm

That’s the way I see it to, with self-care being a journey and trying to balance it along with the needs of others. Too big a focus either way can be detrimental. Thanks for reading & the great comment! xx

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Hamish November 16, 2020 - 7:25 am

These are messages we need to remind ourselves of every day. “There’s no rush to heap” was a sentence that hit me pretty hard. When I’m struggling strong with my depression I berate myself for staying in bed too long or not being productive enough. There’s no rush to feel up to doing more. This message will stay with me and be one I tell myself at the beginning and end of every day as I pray to God.

Peace, and thank you. ♥

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InvisiblyMe November 16, 2020 - 12:25 pm

You’re right, that instant way we can berate ourselves for not being productive or doing more can be very dangerous. There’s no rush and we really could do with being a lot kinder with ourselves, especially when dealing with something like depression. I hope you can keep that in mind more often and start to believe it. You’re worth looking after. I’m really glad the post resonated with you, Hamish. Thank you for the comment. x

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Holly November 23, 2020 - 10:05 pm

I LOVE this post, Caz. You make absolutely brilliant points that should get us really thinking about how we treat ourselves each and every day. As you rightly point out – so much of our berating is on auto pilot. It’s one of the reasons I love what Joyce Meyer says, “Think about your stinking thinking.” The more aware we become of the toxic patterns in our lives, the easier it is to know what giant we’re fighting. Sometimes half the battle is knowing what our giant is and where it came from.

For this reason, one of my favorite parts of your post is #5. As a Christian woman, this has been a key factor in my own life. Severe trauma, both in childhood and adulthood, left their mark in ways I wouldn’t wish on anyone. It is not easy to face our fear. In fact, it takes courage, bravery, and steadfast faith. Our toughest battles are usually when we first choose to fight fear, change our thinking, and reset our belief system. Years of wrong, toxic mindsets don’t disappear overnight 99% of the time! (unless it’s supernatural healing) It is truly remarkable though just how many ‘tapes’ we have playing in our minds on autopilot that hold us back from everything that we are called and purposed to do. In fact, our greatest purpose always come out of the place creating our greatest pain. We can’t solve what we never experienced.

Point #5 and #7 are very much linked for me, and I think, for many people. That inner critic is NASTY! I love what you said about being our own best friend. Something magical happens when we distance ourselves from our thoughts and ask the question, “Would I speak this way to someone I love? Is this even true?!?” When we do that, those thoughts take a much less threatening image and become easier to defeat. Fear is a liar of the worst kind!

“Behind the narration of your life is often a deeper story waiting to unfold.” — AMEN, my friend, amen! It’s always worth digging deep to find the true treasure buried beneath the pain! We were all made for something special.

Taking leaps of faith and pushing past fear is also huge, I agree! Sometimes we find that as we step out, the fear disappears. We realize it wasn’t really something to fear anyway! Self-care is definitely critical as well. I love what you said about standing up for ourselves and our beliefs, saying no when we need to, and letting go of guilt all being part of self-care. That is so good and 100% true!

You are definitely one of a kind, my friend. None can compare to you! You are awesome in every way and a true gift to this world. So grateful for you & your friendship. BIG hugs headed your way! ????

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InvisiblyMe November 26, 2020 - 6:44 am

Absolutely, it’s autopilot berating and I bet many of us don’t realise just how badly and how often we do it. ‘Stinking thinking’, I like that! Figuring out where it came from isn’t always easy, but I can’t help but wonder whether issues of not feeling worthy lie underneath for some people, perhaps a lot of us. But why? That’s the million dollar question!

‘We can’t solve what we never experienced’. I LOVE that expression, it’s so concisely and aptly put. Out of the worst of times can often come so goodness, some lightness, and healing can happen, albeit very gradually.

Thank you for another thoughtful, amazing comment, Holly! ???? xx

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