This Is What I Really Mean When I Say ‘No’ To Going Out

It’s not a personal affront. It’s not me simply being boring and miserable (though it may be a bit of the latter). Turning down an invitation to go out, or me staying home rather than going out solo and then smothering Facebook with pictures of the exciting things I’ve been up to, is usually a result of feeling like crap.

I can get insecure and unsociable, especially when feeling low and anxious. I can feel painfully self-conscious. I can feel exhausted, where merely being awake and moving is like dragging around a carcass. I get migraines, I get sick, I get stoma-related problems, I get ill.

SadHand WindowSaying ‘no’ isn’t because I simply ‘don’t want to’. Not going out or going anywhere isn’t because I ‘can’t be bothered’.

What may be easy, carefree and requiring little thought is far more stressful and challenging for me the majority of the time.

But I get better days. Enough times where I do go out, go exploring, have some fun, when I do say ‘yes’. Please don’t give up on me. Please don’t judge me.

If you do…? Doesn’t matter. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. I’m not going to beg. I just hope you learn to take the time to consider the situation and feelings of others a little more in the future, that you learn a little more patience, that you can value and appreciate a good friend when you have one, and that you can understand that an ‘invisible illness’ is just that… It can be more complex than you may realise and you need to look a little harder to appreciate that. 



  1. Linda Greenwood
    September 10, 2016 / 11:26 am


    Just followed your link from The Money Shed. I empathise with you! I have some health issues – different to yours I imagine. I often feel like I can’t be bothered going out. But it’s not just ‘can’t be bothered’ it’s more like ‘I’ll be exhausted, stressed out physically and emotioanlly.,

    Glad I’m not the only one!


    • InvisiblyMe
      September 10, 2016 / 12:25 pm

      Thanks so much for the comment, Linda – you’re certainly not alone! It’s difficult when others don’t quite understand that ‘can’t be bothered’ is because you’re exhausted, stressed out, and can’t face it. It’s not about being lazy or boring. x

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