Personal Update : My Mum’s In Hospital, I’ll Be Away For Now

Apologies for the sudden radio silence. I shared this on social media yesterday and I thought I’d better post it here today. It’s just a small personal update; it’s easier than sending individual messages or worrying that I’m ignoring everyone online.

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but on Wednesday morning I had to take my mum in to A&E. It turns out she’s had a heart attack. She is still undergoing a lot of tests, but an angiogram has found a blockage. They don’t know if it’ll resolve naturally with blood thinners or not. 

I can’t see her because the cardiac ward has had a Covid outbreak. Not even with my 3M N95 mask, not even if I buy a hazmat suit (a serious suggestion). The fact she can’t see me, that I can’t hug her, was just too much. I lost my shit. All I could do was take her some things on Wednesday evening, leave them at the door and walk away.

♥

I know she will be okay. She has to be, she will be. To say this is a shock would be an understatement. I’m very close to my mum; she’s the most awesome woman I know, she has always been there for me. I love both my parents dearly. I’m very aware of how lucky I am to have them. But there’s so much emotion about everything in my head right now & there’s this nausea in the pit of my stomach that I can’t get rid. 

I don’t pray, but I have yesterday. And today. I’ve begged and pleaded. I can’t get past not being able to see her, the cruelty of her being in there on her own. 

I’m grateful for technology to let us FaceTime (a new experience for us both, horrifying us when I held the phone too close to my face ????) and send little messages and pictures.

Update : On Friday, it seems mum is a little more herself but she’s still not able to eat without throwing up. She may be released home to rest and monitor the situation soon, with the possibility for surgical procedures if/when the blood clot in the heart resolves with time and medication. I was more than a little surprised to hear she could be discharged on the weekend. I have some concerns about her coming home too soon just to clear a bed in the ward because the healthcare system is under strain, but as much as I desperately want her here, I want her looked after properly with IV meds available if needed more so.

I probably won’t be around much for the next few days, especially with reading other blogs, but I may pop on social media a little to keep in touch. There’s so much to do, and those with chronic conditions will know all too well what it’s like getting through the smallest, simplest of things, let alone so much that you can’t physically do it all. We can only do what we can do, it has to be enough.

I’m thinking of you all and hoping everyone’s as okay as possible ❤️

Take care of yourselves. Sending my love.

Caz  ♥

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