An Alternative Santa Wish List

Christmas gifts can be great when you get a nice surprise. But the things most of us with chronic illness really want can’t be bought and wrapped with a bow on top. If Santa can pull any strings this year, then maybe there are 10 things I / we could ask for…

An digital drawing of a deer with ornate antlers, all in green.

1. Brain Velcro

My memory over the last 3 years has gone a bit haywire so brain velcro would save the need to write every tiny thing down.

2. A Year’s Supply of Breyers Ice Cream.

I love this stuff. Low fat & calories, yet high in calcium & protein. And it tastes delicious. Caramel Cake, Creamy Chocolate, and Cookies & Cream are my favourite flavour preferences, in that order. I assume you have a mini-freezer on the Santa sleigh?

3. A Body Double To Attend My Next Surgery

I’ll sit and watch Netflix and water the plants while she’s away.

4. New Gnashers

Healthy gums and nice straight, pearly whites. Please deliver & install my present in my sleep. I hate the dentist.

5. An Off Switch For Migraines.

A green logo symbolising an on/off switch.

Chronic migraines are no joke. Is there a way to take the batteries out?

6. …And An Off Switch For Chronic Pain & Chronic Illness.

A switch for everyone in the chronic illness community please. That would be swell, cheers!

7. New Immune System

Forget refurbishments, a fresh immune system would be a great help for a lot of us with various illnesses. Throw in a new pair of lungs for me while you’re there if you’re feeling extra generous.

8. A Large Bowel

I’m having separation anxiety & I miss mine. How’s about a new one, Santa? We can do a present swap with my stoma, that would be just dandy.

9. A New Car

Obviously this one only applies if you have room in the Santa Sack after the immune system, large bowel, ice cream etc.

I was driving home from supermarket the other week with a 2L bottle of Pepsi Max on the back seat. I had rushed and shoved them in there as there was no room in the boot. Had to break suddenly due to an idiot driver in front. The bottle hits my seat with a bang & explodes. There was a Pepsi river in the back, with splashes & puddles of Pepsi everywhere. Attempts to mop up & wipe down took ages and have only left the car sticky & cola-scented.

10. An End To Brexit!

Seriously, this nonsense has gone on long enough. Just end it, we’re all sick of hearing about it. It’s made a mockery of the British. Meanwhile, individuals are using the ‘Brexiteer/remoaner’ nonsense to criticise and judge each other, adding to the hate & increasing the divides in society. Meanwhile, the recent election has sent ripples of anger and crushing disappointment among many of us. It’s certainly a sad and worrying time. Years from now kids will be reading about Brexit in their textbooks (or holographic tablets or textbooks on their VR headsets) and laughing at how ridiculous the Brexit shambles was.

Thanks very much, Santa! *

* PS. If any of the above are out of stock these are possible substitutions – an off switch for stress, world peace, an end to poverty, vaccinations for everyone, cures for all illnesses, affordable quality healthcare for everyone worldwide, a spare replacement battery for more energy, medications without hideous side-effects. And a dog for me, I’d desperately love a golden retriever. Thanks muchly!

What ridiculous but wonderful things would you add to the wish list?

Caz  ♥

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33 Comments

  1. December 15, 2019 / 6:23 pm

    I agree with it all. How about a completely new body, and the brain, so we can start watering those plants.

  2. December 15, 2019 / 6:31 pm

    Yay golden retriever! Sorry to hear about your car incident – that must have been such a pain to get cleaned up and I hope you get rid of the smell soon!

  3. Benn Bell
    December 15, 2019 / 6:32 pm

    Happy Holiday Caz! May all you wishes come true!

    Benn XXOO

  4. Ashley
    December 15, 2019 / 6:35 pm

    Love this list!

  5. December 15, 2019 / 6:35 pm

    Your not asking for much are you 😳 great post Caz ❤️

  6. December 15, 2019 / 6:42 pm

    I wish I could make all these things come true for you, Caz. If I could, I would.

    Have a fabulous day and week. Big hug ♥

  7. December 15, 2019 / 6:57 pm

    It is a very good and decent list. I hope Santa will fulfill your wishes. Best of Luck.

  8. December 15, 2019 / 7:00 pm

    Love the list! I hate the dentist, too so those new pearly whites are on my list. Sorry about your Pepsi accident! That happened to my husband a few years ago with Dr. Pepper. Not fun to clean up.

  9. December 15, 2019 / 8:46 pm

    I wish I could send you all this and more…
    I don’t think they’re ridiculous!
    Are they in any specific order?
    I don’t believe in santa, but let’s say I would. Hmm. I’d wish for understanding, world peace, love from everyone for everyone (get rid of the hatred and crime), world gratitude, general okayness and wellness and health.
    Love, light and glitter

  10. December 15, 2019 / 8:58 pm

    Ice cream and an end to Brexit would definitely be on mine! And endless supply of peppermint tea! Great post 😊💕

  11. December 15, 2019 / 11:15 pm

    I wish I could have a magic Santa wand and make all your wishes come true. Wishing you lots of magic this holiday. <3

    • December 16, 2019 / 6:57 pm

      I would add: Could the health insurance please focus on making our lives better and not more miserable?
      Have a fantastic holiday, Caz♥️

  12. December 15, 2019 / 11:25 pm

    A fine list, Caz. If I were in charge, I’d definitely have you watering the plants in lieu of surgery.

    And I’m with you on the doggie wish. Golden retrievers are terrific. One of my friends had one that loved to dive for tennis balls. Once he secured three simultaneously, leading to a dislocated jaw that required a trip to the animal hospital. Moral: when you get your Golden, only two tennis balls at a time!

  13. December 16, 2019 / 1:19 am

    clever – tx for the laugh! wishing you a happy holiday season & wonderful 2020 Caz – so glad you’re ok from car wreck & that sounds like your car is still driveable <3

  14. December 16, 2019 / 1:20 am

    btw – last couple of your posts, have only been able to comment, not to like – any ideas what I’m doing wrong? am viewing via non-wp reader…

    • December 16, 2019 / 4:55 pm

      I think it depends on how it has loaded… that often it’s not loading fully so if you want to be able to ‘like’ it reload it (I often have to do that multiple times).
      Love, light and glitter

    • December 18, 2019 / 10:09 am

      I think Eliza is right. It’s really frustrating and I get this a lot too, with my site and lots of others. Not sure why it happens exactly, but sometimes it requires a page refresh (or several!) xx

  15. December 16, 2019 / 1:26 am

    Amen to all of this, especially the ice cream! Never tried caramel cake, but that sounds exactly like something I would love!

    Happy Holidays to you, Caz!

  16. December 16, 2019 / 9:53 am

    Will have to look out for Breyers ice cream! As for Brexit, we could cry.

  17. December 16, 2019 / 2:27 pm

    I like your list! Put me on there as well! Since we are wishing… CASH is always good! 😊💜

  18. December 16, 2019 / 9:11 pm

    If only, Caz! My wishlist would be miles long or maybe just be to transfer my consciousness to a new HEALTHY body. Think I can talk good old St. Nick into that one? 😏 That Pepsi Max disaster. Ugh! Quite possibly worse than Dave dumping a nearly full 2 gallon water pitcher/purifier all over the kitchen floor just in time for bed. 😳

  19. Audrey Driscoll
    December 16, 2019 / 10:01 pm

    I hope Santa is working on your list! It reminded me to be grateful for things in my life. I’ll have to have a look at Breyers; didn’t realize it was healthier than regular ice cream. Golden retrievers are the smiliest dogs. We have a Newfoundland; she’s sweet but drooly.

  20. December 17, 2019 / 12:30 am

    I hear you on #s 2, 9, and 10!

  21. December 17, 2019 / 1:11 am

    I love your gift list and sincerely hope you one or two of them!

  22. December 17, 2019 / 2:19 am

    NO harm in asking!

  23. mistermuse
    December 17, 2019 / 4:15 am

    11. An end to Donald Trump’s presidency (like yesterday, if not sooner).

  24. December 17, 2019 / 8:38 am

    I love this, Caz. I reckon Santa should at least book your car into a local car valet for that cola spill.

    And if he can’t give you everything else on your list, then he needs to bring bucket loads of that ice cream.

  25. Svet
    December 19, 2019 / 8:01 pm

    Oh Caz, I hope that Santa will come for a visit and deliver all your wishing list! I need some some stuff too from the Santa nut you covered most of it.

  26. December 23, 2019 / 7:17 pm

    Pepsi river on your back seat? That’s terrible. Yikes!

  27. January 3, 2020 / 9:15 pm

    What I wanted from Santa was to get me caught up. Alas, he only brought me some instructions on how to do it myself. That’s why I didn’t respond in a timely manner. I am following the instructions, though. Anyway, you wrote a great list, Caz. Things more important and interesting than red socks or a lawn mower. A couple of those things you’re not likely to get, but maybe some as the year goes along. We can wish! – George

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