5 Alternative Thoughts on Self Care

This was a guest post I wrote for the lovely Kate at Holistic Life by Kate, which you can check out here. She’s an incredible blogger so I’d highly recommend paying her site a visit! I thought I’d share the post here, too.

How do I write a post on self care for a blogger who excels in this area and writes far more helpful posts than I ever could? Just that thought made me realise that I compare myself too much and end up feeling worse for it, and then I knew what I wanted to write. Here are a 5 alternative things to consider when it comes to self care. 

1. Stop The Comparison Game

It’s easy to compare yourself and your situation to that of others, whether they’re friends, colleagues, acquaintances on social media or random strangers. We can be our own worst enemy when we pick ourselves apart, weighing ourselves against others and feeling like we never measure up. We can compare anything and everything; how we look, our financial situation, living arrangement, social life, and even our level of happiness. When we compare, we’re comparing assumptions and perceptions. But things aren’t always as they seem because people only show you want they want you to see. We’re never good enough when we play the comparison game. It’s time to celebrate yourself and your life, as perfectly imperfect as it is. There’s only one you, and that is always going to be good enough. 

2.  Be Assertive

Be your own advocate for your needs. Learn to be okay with asking for what you want, and stand up for yourself. Learn to say no. You owe it to yourself to use your freedom of speech and choice.

3. Focus on what you can do

There are plenty of things in life we can’t control, including other people. But you can control how you respond, and how you deal with what life throws your way. Don’t fall into the trap of focusing on the things you can’t change, or the things you can’t do for whatever reason; focus on what you can do. 

4. Ditch the Guilt & Forgive

Guilt can be pervasive and incredibly damaging, sneaking in at every opportunity. Dig a little deeper to see where this guilt is coming from. Don’t apologise for being you and don’t feel bad for taking care of your own needs. When life gets overwhelming, cut yourself some slack; you’re doing your best, so take a step back, breathe and rest, without feeling guilty about it. Many of us also find it easier to forgive others than ourselves, but it’s an important step to healing hurt, nourishing ourselves, and ditching the guilt. 

5. Write Your Own Rules

There seem to be unwritten rules and guidelines in society about how your life ‘should’ look and what you ‘should’ achieve by certain points in your life. It assumes that these are things you want, but do you really even want them? It can be a heavy weight on your shoulders with the pressures and expectations, but do these ‘rules’ even apply to you? Re-evaluate what your values and goals are. Decide for yourself what you want and what makes you happy. Furthermore, we don’t always get a choice when our life takes a detour, such as if we suffer ill health. Our lives don’t always look the way we’d expected, but that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you can’t carve out a new path and enjoy a scenic route, making the most of your journey as best you can. Forget about what others think. Live your own life by your own rules. 

Remember : 

Self-care is not self-indulgent & it is not selfish. It’s vital to your mental & physical health, helping you to live your best life & to be there for those around you, too. Without self-care, we can easily become more exhausted, overwhelmed, utterly frazzled, frustrated, and even resentful.

Self-care is about taking responsibility for ourselves. It’s about making sure our basic needs are met first, then going beyond those to treat ourselves with more kindness and compassion. 

A big thanks to Kate for featuring me on her amazing blog, please do check it out! Keep your eyes peeled because she’ll be sharing a post with InvisiblyMe soon, too!

Caz  ♥



  1. Megala
    October 2, 2019 / 4:19 pm

    Wonderful article! Thanks for sharing. I lately understood the difference between self love & selfish. 🙂

    • October 4, 2019 / 2:42 pm

      It’s a tough one to get your head around, but it’s so important because self-care and self-love are so needed and shouldn’t come with guilt. Glad you liked the post, thanks, Megala  ♥ xx

  2. October 2, 2019 / 4:30 pm

    Excellent advice, Caz. Beating yourself up helps no one. We are what we are and should always be proud of that.

    Have a fabulous day and rest of the week, my friend. ♥

    • October 4, 2019 / 2:44 pm

      Absolutely, and yet beating ourselves up seems to come far too easily for a lot of us. Thanks for the comment lovely. I hope you & hubby have a good weekend ahead 🌷 xx

  3. October 2, 2019 / 4:41 pm

    I couldn’t have written this better myself 😉 fantastic post as usual Caz x

    • October 4, 2019 / 2:44 pm

      Aww, that’s very kind of you to say. I’m really glad you liked it, thanks, Elaine!  ♥

  4. Benjamin Bell
    October 2, 2019 / 4:42 pm

    Great advice!

    • October 4, 2019 / 2:51 pm

      Glad you thought so, thanks 😊Hope you have a relaxing weekend ahead, Mr! x

  5. October 2, 2019 / 5:47 pm

    Great post and advice Caz! x

    • October 4, 2019 / 3:00 pm

      Aw, thanks, Toni! I hope you have a relaxing weekend ahead to recuperate from the week 🌷 xx

  6. October 2, 2019 / 6:22 pm

    Great advice for everything!

    • October 4, 2019 / 3:01 pm

      Thanks, da-AL! Have a lovely weekend ahead 😊 xx

  7. Michelle Tikalsky
    October 2, 2019 / 6:30 pm

    I have learned not to compare myself to others when I used social media a lot in the past. My journey is my own and not someone else’s. I am guilty of saying yes in situations where I should say no. But I say yes out of nerves when I know the best thing is to say no. Looking back, I wouldn’t be where I am today if I listened to my family. I listened to what I knew was best for me and I fought for it. Great post

    • October 4, 2019 / 3:05 pm

      “My journey is my own and not someone else’s” – that is such a powerful thing to learn and moving away from not comparing isn’t easy. Likewise with saying no. I still struggle on that sometimes, too. I’m glad you’ve been able to be more assertive and to have more confidence in your decisions, keep listening to your instincts and doing what’s best for you. Thank you for sharing this, Michelle!  ♥ xx

  8. October 2, 2019 / 8:11 pm

    Well said dear Caz. Succinct and right on the nail! Headings would make a great little ‘prompt’ card to keep in your wallet.
    Thank you for your wise words.
    Maz x

    • October 4, 2019 / 3:07 pm

      Aww, thank you! That’s very kind of you to say, Maz. And what a fab idea with the prompt cards! I think we probably all need self-care reminders from time to time. I hope you have a relaxing weekend ahead lovely  ♥ xx

  9. October 2, 2019 / 9:44 pm

    What a beautiful post Caz, really touches your soul. Need to read it everyday to remind ourselves ! Bookmarking it.Thanks for such a wonderful share!

    • October 4, 2019 / 3:08 pm

      I think a lot of us probably need these kinds of self care reminders on a regular basis – I’m so glad you liked the post, and I really appreciate your lovely comment! 🌷 xx

  10. October 2, 2019 / 10:40 pm

    Great post and something I need to do more of.

    • October 4, 2019 / 4:26 pm

      I hope this can serve as a reminder for you, Bree – good excuse to practice on the weekend! 😉 xx

  11. October 2, 2019 / 11:05 pm

    Great advice here, Caz! We are often unnecessarily hard on ourselves. Thank you for such a superbly put reminder to cut ourselves some slack more often!

    • October 4, 2019 / 5:06 pm

      We really do need to cut ourselves more slack, more often. I’m so glad you liked the post, thank you!  ♥ I hope you have a lovely weekend, Debbie xx

  12. October 2, 2019 / 11:19 pm

    These are some fabulous tips Caz! Your statement, “When we compare, we’re comparing assumptions and perceptions.” is so insightful, and so true. You never know what’s going on behind people’s “masks” that they wear out in public. They may be looking at you and thinking they wish they could trade places…. I loved the tip to “write your own rules.” Tying our actions to our values is one way to make sure we’re living the life we want to live, regardless of our circumstances. Thanks for another brilliant post!

    • October 4, 2019 / 5:07 pm

      “Tying our actions to our values”, I like that, a great way to put it. I’m really pleased you liked the post, thank you, Terri!  ♥ xx

      • October 7, 2019 / 4:05 pm

        So wise and on target, Caz. Practicing mindfulness meditation helps me in this regard. May you/I/we be filled with loving kindness—I say it daily.

        I think your opening was great—as you immediately realized you were falling into an unnecessary bind of your own making.
        Keep up the good work —for yourself and others!

  13. October 3, 2019 / 6:02 am

    Thank you Caz for introducing me to Kate and I did sign up, Everything you wrote is such great advise, I used to compare myself to others and that always made me feel less than, I used to not feel good enough, smart enough, whatever enough, and I held on to that for years. It wasn’t until I had a spiritual awakening that I slowly started to realize that I’m me, on my own journey and comparing myself to others only kept me from moving forward on my journey. And now I “write my own rules” and carve my own path. Very insightful blog post. thank you

    • October 4, 2019 / 5:11 pm

      That’s fab, Masha – Kate is wonderful and incredibly intelligent with her posts, she’s quite the source of inspiration, much like yourself! I’m so glad you liked the post and it’s wonderful to hear how you’ve been able to gradually move away from comparing yourself to others and to carve your own path, too. 🌷 xx

  14. October 3, 2019 / 6:08 am

    Here here! Living on a narrow boat I’ve definitely chosen to move away from the norm… the only problem is that if I keep doing what I ‘can’ do, I never see people…

    • October 4, 2019 / 5:33 pm

      It’s tricky getting the balance sometimes with what we can do, and weighing up the costs vs benefits. I do hope you’re able to still people, and to keep in touch online in between. Life on a narrow boat, I’ve always wondered what that would be like! 😊 xx

  15. October 3, 2019 / 9:36 am

    Wonderful advice Caz. I can relate to all of these. Life is a big school opf learning.

    • October 4, 2019 / 5:38 pm

      Amen to that, it’s all a learning curve, which takes a bit of pressure off feeling we have to get things ‘right’ all the time! xx

  16. October 3, 2019 / 1:17 pm

    Great advice, Caz. Just what I needed right now 🙂

    • October 4, 2019 / 5:39 pm

      I’m really glad you liked the post  ♥ I hope you have a relaxing weekend (with plenty of self care), Sandra xx

  17. October 3, 2019 / 1:38 pm

    Fantastic post, Caz. People think of self-care as a relaxing bubble bath with some nice music playing in the background. But the reality is exactly what you have posted here. We need to ditch the guilt and focus on our own needs and yes, stop comparing ourselves to others. You are spot on with each of your points.

    • October 4, 2019 / 5:41 pm

      Exactly my line of thinking – I think all the bubble bath type ideas are great, but that’s one part of self-care, not the crux of what self care is about. I’m really pleased you thought the points were on target, thanks, Liz xx

  18. October 3, 2019 / 1:57 pm

    Really great post with some great reminders. I love the one about not comparing yourself. It’s so true and a trap that most of us fall into; which simply isn’t fair to ourselves. Over the past few years, I am finally setting boundaries for myself and with others. We’re inclined to think that makes us not nice, but the reality is that we need to take care of ourselves first, before we can take care of anyone else. Love this post, Caz! Brilliant!

    • October 6, 2019 / 4:00 pm

      You’re right, so many of us fall into the comparison trap and it’s not fair on ourselves. It’s so good to hear how you’re starting to set those boundaries and accepting that self-care is important, not something to be viewed negatively or to be laden with guilt. So glad you liked the post, thanks, Stace!  ♥ xx

  19. October 3, 2019 / 2:04 pm

    Caz, you’ve put together an amazing list of what are probably the most essential ingredients to working toward self love and acceptance, which lead to real happiness in life, especially for those of us with chronic illness. This is a really brilliant way to get people thinking about what self care really is and why it’s so critical to our mental health and satisfaction! Xx

    • October 6, 2019 / 4:01 pm

      ‘Essential ingredients’, I like that! I’m going to have to do a ‘self care recipe’ one day 😉Thank you for the fab comment lovely! Much appreciated. I hope the week ahead treats you kindly (and that you treat yourself likewise!) xx

  20. October 3, 2019 / 5:57 pm

    Great post. I don’t compere myself in regards to what people have but I do find it’s very easy to compere my blogging achievents with others which does have the negative effect of me wondering why I do it. I have to remind myself why.

    • October 6, 2019 / 4:12 pm

      You’re right, it’s hard not to compare yourself to other bloggers. I do it without realising and always feel awful. It does help to consciously catch yourself doing it and remind yourself it does you no favours. I hope you’re having a relaxing weekend so far, Jo! xx

  21. October 3, 2019 / 6:03 pm

    Excellent advice, Caz. 👍

    • October 6, 2019 / 4:27 pm

      Thanks, Richa! I hope you have a great week ahead 😊 xx

  22. October 3, 2019 / 9:04 pm

    So many excellent points – I think being assertive about your needs is the most difficult. At least for me.

    • October 6, 2019 / 4:30 pm

      It really can be. I think seeing it as a constant work-in-progress helps, sometimes we do it better at it than other times. I hope you can keep working on being assertive about your needs, Jan  ♥ xx

  23. October 4, 2019 / 5:13 am

    I always think I’m quite good at self-care but I often read these posts and I always get a reminder that I can do more. I talk about points 2 and 3 in my blog quite a lot. They’ve not been easy to learn to do but time has been a big helper here. That, and getting older makes you learn to put more things in to perspective. Points 1 and 4 though are things I need to work on. No one else knows your pain or illness like you do, and you should never feel guilty about anything when it’s out of your control. Great post Caz xx

    • October 6, 2019 / 5:06 pm

      I’m glad the post was like a reminder that you can do more, and it’s brilliant you’re already doing well with putting self-care into practice. I have a long way to go, especially with the guilt factor. “No one else knows your pain or illness like you do, and you should never feel guilty about anything when it’s out of your control” – So very well said. Thanks for the great comment, Alice. I hope the week ahead treats you kindly  ♥ xx

  24. October 4, 2019 / 8:48 am

    Caz, I really needed to read these points this week. You’re so right, it’s not selfish or self indulgent to take care of ourselves. Thanks for you reminders and I really appreciate your kind words on my recent posts. This post brings it all together!! Great words and advice to us all.

    • October 6, 2019 / 5:47 pm

      I’m glad this post came at a good time and that you liked it – thank you for the lovely comment, Deb!  ♥ I hope you have a good week ahead & that you practice some of this self-care malarky 😉 xx

  25. October 4, 2019 / 12:58 pm

    Such an incredible post Caz. I agree with you wholeheartedly. The comparison game is definitely the most pervasive epidemic society has going for it now. It’s not that we didn’t play the comparison game before. It just wasn’t as ‘in your face’ all the time. Filters and staged moments photos, along with carefully planned blog posts make people feel like they just aren’t measuring up. What I love was your statement: “When we compare, we’re comparing assumptions and perceptions. But things aren’t always as they seem because people only show you want they want you to see.” Amen Caz, you nailed it! No one could have said it better.

    Pulling away from ‘the game’ to regain some reality can be incredibly healing for the soul. We often become desensitized from our exposures to this phoniness – not even realizing the toll it’s taking on our mental health.

    I also love your points on self-care and self-forgiveness. Letting go of guilt and condemnation, that feeling of not being enough. That’s a tough one for me, as it is for so many. The dark road it leads to though will take you on a trip from hell. Once we allow those negative thoughts in, it can be hard to get back to right thinking. Being more aware of when we are being too hard on ourselves, comparing ourselves or simply not appreciating who we are – keeps the depression and anxiety from gripping us in the first place.

    Keep being you, Caz. You’re an inspiration and a joy. ♥

    • October 7, 2019 / 1:49 pm

      Aw, thank you for such an incredibly awesome and kind comment, Holly. You make a brilliant point with ‘the game’ and how we can ‘become desensitized from our exposures to this phoniness’. I think that’s so true because it’s all around us, almost relentlessly, and it becomes par for the course. Absolutely, those feelings of guilt and not being good enough can be incredibly difficult to challenge as they’re pervasive, and you’re not alone in feeling that. I just hope that bit by bit you can see what a con it is; guilt over taking care of yourself and your needs has no place in your life, and you are a beautiful person who will always, always, be enough. Thanks again for the comment, it’s very much appreciated. I hope this week is kind to you, and that you’re likewise kind to yourself 🌷 xx

  26. October 4, 2019 / 11:46 pm

    Very helpful to be reminded of these things, and so true. Thank you for sharing!

    • October 7, 2019 / 1:50 pm

      You’re welcome; I’m glad you liked the post, thanks, Susan! 😊 x

  27. October 5, 2019 / 1:18 am

    Self care is so important. It makes us happier more balanced humans. I feel that you can’t take care of other people if you don’t take care of yourself first. As far as rules go, I try not to follow any. 🙂 xo

    • October 7, 2019 / 1:51 pm

      Spot on – I think it really is true about how you can’t take care of others until you take care of yourself. Eventually you reach an impasse. Self care really does help us to be more balanced and happier. Thanks for sharing, Michele! xx

  28. October 5, 2019 / 11:18 am

    Wow. Love this article, Caz! Thank You!!! It was good for me to read this this morning. Cheers!!! 🙂

    • October 7, 2019 / 1:52 pm

      Aww that’s great, glad you liked it! Hope you have a good week ahead, Katy  ♥ xx

  29. October 6, 2019 / 12:20 am

    Great list Caz of alternative things to remember and consider when it comes to our self care and our general approach to ourselves. Thanks for the reminders and assurances that our differences are still okay even if we do t have what we thought we would have by a certain age. This stood out to me as another birthday has just passed me by.
    Helen xx

    • October 7, 2019 / 2:13 pm

      I’m glad it resonated with you, and I hope you had a lovely birthday, Helen ♥🌷 xx

  30. October 6, 2019 / 2:46 pm

    Charlee: “We agree with you on all of this.”
    Chaplin: “Yeah and if anyone is an expert on self-care it’s us cats, am I right?”

    • October 7, 2019 / 2:18 pm

      Absolutely, cats have self-care, mindfulness and stress-relief practiced and perfected, they’re masters at all three! 😂

  31. October 7, 2019 / 9:33 am

    I love the way that you have not focussed on the ‘traditional’ self-care acts and instead thought about it from a self-love and acceptance point of view. I am definitely a person who needs to be able to be a bit more assertive – or at least think that I am not wrong for being so! Fantastic post Caz xx

    • October 7, 2019 / 2:21 pm

      I’m glad you like the alternative angle, Jen! I think self-care has lots of facets, so I wanted to cover the more ‘deep & meaning’ side. Being assertive is good, it took me years to gradually be more assertive; it’s something I think they should do lessons on in school! I hope this week is a little better for you (with no accidents, further surprise problems or hospital trips!)  Sending hugs ♥ xx

  32. October 9, 2019 / 11:00 am

    It’s so important because self-care isn’t all about bubble baths and face masks. It’s also doing things that promote your ongoing health, such as advocating for yourself.

  33. October 11, 2019 / 5:49 pm

    These are great tips, especially because the ‘selfcare industry’ has become so commercialized, and so many options encourage you to spend money – buy a book, join a yoga studio, have a facial, etc etc. Really, inner selfcare is the most important part – and so is TIME.

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