(A Very Mini) Mini Me Update

I’ll make this a mini update just to cover the basics of what’s happened this week. Firstly, thank you so much for bearing with me while I’ve been away this week. Secondly, a huge thanks for all the kind, compassionate comments. Thirdly, I am SO glad this week is over! It’s the most relieved I’ve been in a while. Staying at home has never sounded so good 😉

I’m in a world of pain & utterly exhausted, but the week has gone as smoothly as possible, all things considered. 

A photo of my new weekend travel bag, which is black and white striped with brown detailing and brown straps. It's sat on my yellow duvet in my room.

The 2am bus to UCLH in London was an eye-opener, but the wait for the surgery was enough to make me think I’d made a mistake going. I was in so much pain and very tired and grumpy, and I started debating whether to make a run for it. I stayed because the thought of another 4+ hours of travelling home was too exhausting! The overall experience I had there was not a positive one. However, I’m glad I’ve finally been able to use my funky new weekend bag, a £12 Accessorize bargain.

The laparoscopy & other investigative procedures went as well as possible, but it was quite tricky for the surgeon due to adhesions and such, so my body went through a bit more trauma I think as a result. Nonetheless, it was a relief to speak with her afterwards for her findings & opinion. On the day I was discharged, I was very lucky because my wonderful ex, who lives in London, was able to meet me and escort me to the bus station; I actually couldn’t have physically carried my bag myself otherwise, so he was a lifesaver. That’s a silver lining to this op being cancelled in August as he wouldn’t have been around then. 

I also came home with a few surprise gifts. 3 months of antibiotics, a catheter, and subcutaneous emphysema. I know I said I like freebies, but I’ve had better than these.

The subcutaneous emphysema is a new one to me. If you press your fingers to my left rib and move them across, it sounds like snap crackle & pop. It’s rather disconcerting! Apparently it’s small air bubbles trapped under the skin that have travelled from the laparoscopy.

The catheter isn’t a result of the surgery per se, it’s because I have some nerve damage and my bladder is now incredibly stubborn, hence a wee bag accompanies me home after most surgeries.

I’ve got two small incisions on the left, and apparently I was very lucky to get away with these as it nearly had to be done as an open surgery. Phew, my plans to become a swimwear model may still become a reality! 😉

A photo of me taken in the mirror in my room, showing the two incision wounds covered with bandages, my stoma bag and a catheter bag.

The medical meeting ‘thing’ I had to attend in Bristol went as well as could be expected. It was a long day and an early start in a lot of pain, but my mother came with me (she refused to let me go alone & she’s even more stubborn than I am!) so I wanted to make sure we did something worth her while when we were there. The place I had to go was a short walk from the Clifton Suspension Bridge. We’ve been saying about going there for a few years. And we made it!

An image of below the bridge, showing the river and road and the rocky side.
A photo of the bridge to the left, with the grassy and tree covered hill side to the right.
A photograph of the bridge to the right and the craggy rock side.
A photograph of me in a winter coat despite the bright weather, with a walking stick in my right hand.  I'm next to a short wall and the bridge spans out behind me, against a blue sky with light clouds.
A photo of me part way across the bridge, standing on the pedestrian walkway with the sky above (blue with light clouds) and the railings to either side.

In these photos I know it’s a case of “you look fine, you don’t look sick”. And, of course, most people, myself included, take care to avoid close ups or adjust the lighting in photographs, too. I can’t tell you how awful I felt when I was there. It shows just how deceiving appearances can be.

My mother loved the bridge & I’m glad we got to stop off there briefly because it was definitely worth it for the smile on her face. She’s afraid of heights, so she did incredibly well! If ever you’re in the Bristol area, I’d highly recommend checking it out. I got the train to Temple Meads, then the 8 bus to Clifton Village with a PlusBus ticket I bought along with the train tickets. You can then get the 8 bus from there to the centre of Bristol, the Zoo or back to the station.

I’ll leave it there. It feels very selfish just talking about ‘me me me’. Things have certainly been difficult lately and emotionally I feel very drained. My room looks like it’s been ransacked by raccoons, I’m very behind on work/emails/paperwork, and the black circles around my eyes are telling me to sleep. I’ll hopefully be back to reading blogs again soon. Thank you all again so much for the lovely comments & messages. It means a lot. You rock!

How have you all been? I hope you’re keeping as well as possible. Be kind to yourselves and I hope the week ahead is a bright one for you all 🌷

Caz  ♥

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54 Comments

  1. Julie de Rohan
    September 15, 2019 / 3:37 pm

    Wishing you all the best, Caz. What an ordeal – hope you can now rest and recover.

    • September 15, 2019 / 5:56 pm

      No that this is over, please take your time to recover, Caz! Thanks for letting us know you are alright.

  2. September 15, 2019 / 3:40 pm

    I am so very sorry you have been going through all this………please rest!!!! Sending you love, love and more love!

  3. September 15, 2019 / 3:44 pm

    I’m glad this event is finally over. You waited way to long if you ask me. Sometimes I don’t think some medical folks understand what they put us through.

    I will say that I know you’re almost always smiling, but that you aren’t always feeling that smile. You are indeed very beautiful.

    Have a fabulous day and week, Caz. Big hug. ♥

  4. September 15, 2019 / 3:45 pm

    Wow, what a crazy week, but glad to hear you’re back at home now. I only did the night bus once during my whole time in London – I got yelled at by some drunk people and am in no hurry to repeat the experience, so good that you only had to do that once.It sounds like a tough week, but I’m happy your ex and your mum could help by being with you.
    I’m sure there are things you want to do now, but please take it easy and give yourself some time to recover XX

  5. Ashley
    September 15, 2019 / 3:48 pm

    I’m glad that part is over! You are such a superstar! ❤️❤️❤️

  6. September 15, 2019 / 4:04 pm

    So sorry to have to read all of what you had to endure – I hope your recovery is as comfortable as possible…

  7. September 15, 2019 / 4:38 pm

    Wishing you great health dear Caz, I am glad this event is over. Wish you speedy recovery, take care 💕 Anjali

  8. September 15, 2019 / 4:45 pm

    What an experience. I can’t imagine doing the bus ride alone or really, any other part of this whole thing. The picture–except for the cane–does make you look healthy. You need one of those shadow pictures, where you are grinning and the shadow shows how you really feel. Best of luck for the recovery.

  9. September 15, 2019 / 4:59 pm

    I’m glad you’re finally in your own room and bed. The bridge looks gorgeous…
    I’m sad about the pain you’re in. I think that’s constant though 🙁 and I hope it gets better quick.
    Thinking of you as always
    Keep writing, even if it’s about ‘you, you, you’ for that’s what we want to hear, how you are doing. I think I’ve told you before that you inspire me.
    Sending sunshine and sparkly hugs
    Love, light and glitter

  10. September 15, 2019 / 5:00 pm

    What a week you’ve had. You must be shattered. Give yourself time to rest now.
    I’m in love with your new bag. (The travel one, not the other one!)
    Take care of yourself.

  11. September 15, 2019 / 5:09 pm

    Get well soon & I hope it all turns out good for you! <3

  12. September 15, 2019 / 5:11 pm

    Oh Caz, the only important thing is that you are home and recovering. Be kind to yourself. I like it when you talk about yourself. I like knowing more about your condition and what you go through. It helps me understand. It educates me. So don’t ever feel selfish for talking about yourself. Also, you are always beautiful, no matter how bad you feel, even when the pain shows. By your recovery be faster and less painful than expected. Wendy

  13. September 15, 2019 / 5:35 pm

    Those freebies sound like terrible parting gifts!

  14. September 15, 2019 / 6:57 pm

    Your resilience and determination are amazing Caz! Feel rested soon. X

  15. September 15, 2019 / 8:20 pm

    My goodness I admire your fighting strength, dear Caz! So glad it’s over & that you’re mending. Nevermind me, me, me — we all want to know how you are & we’re wishing you the best <3

  16. September 15, 2019 / 8:22 pm

    I’m glad you were able to at least make your mom happy with the bridge visit even though it was hard on you to do it. I know, a picture tells a thousand words but often they are the not the words that hold true. They don’t tell the story of one’s body, where that person is mentally, or what experiences they just had. Thanks for keeping us updated on your health and how you are doing. Take it one day at a time, Caz, you can’t do everything all at once, even if you are behind on work and everything else! Sending hugs!

  17. Marilyn Long
    September 15, 2019 / 8:43 pm

    Hi Caz, You’re a star and no mistake. Never feel that you need to apologise for writing about yourself. I follow you (and others probably too) because we like you, and how you write, and how you write about your experiences. ‘Nuff said.
    Pleased for you that it’s all over for now, that your ex was in London (I so believe in Serendipity), and that your Mum was there for you in Bristol. I love it there too – although Bath certainly has the edge. If you need to go again check out the Bridge Cafe – a fantastic restaurant that overlooks the Clifton Suspension Bridge – as a well-deserved special treat.
    Sending love and hugs and duvet-day wishes.
    Maz X

  18. September 15, 2019 / 8:46 pm

    Oh Caz, you are the least selfish person I know. You are so encouraging and supportive of others. Time to look after yourself for a while and rest and recover. I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time. Sending lots of love, Sam xx

  19. September 15, 2019 / 9:37 pm

    I’m sorry it was such a hardship. I want to hear all about how it went for you, you , you!
    I love reading you, you, you!
    Your humor is so awesome. For things that have to be, you still make others smile!
    I pray the jokes make you smile as you say them… especially about the swimwear model.
    HEY! You never know! 😉
    Glad your mom and you had some quality time together!
    Praying for you and your mom! Me and God love you, Caz!

  20. September 15, 2019 / 9:38 pm

    Caz, I’m so glad that this is all behind you and it all went well. Be kind to yourself and get the rest you so deserve and need. xo

  21. September 15, 2019 / 9:45 pm

    Wishing you a speedy recover Caz, take care.

  22. September 15, 2019 / 9:58 pm

    So much for freebies. Glad the week is over and you’re home and recovering.

  23. Ruth
    September 15, 2019 / 10:20 pm

    Wishing you restful sleep and sweet dreams Caz.

  24. September 15, 2019 / 10:52 pm

    Lulu: “We’re glad that you’re back and this round of procedures is over.”
    Charlee: “Yes, and that you got to see the high bridge. We like high places, don’t we, Chaplin?”
    Chaplin: “The higher the better.”
    Lulu: “I send lots of floofy tail wags for a quick recovery.”
    Charlee: “And we Hipsters send purrs!”

  25. September 15, 2019 / 11:00 pm

    Don’t even think about WordPress until you are up to it. Just take care of yourself. 🙏

  26. September 15, 2019 / 11:04 pm

    Wishing you all the best Caz! God knows you have more than earned it dear❤️

  27. Helen Stacey
    September 16, 2019 / 5:37 am

    Keep smiling dear Caz, love and hugs 🤗 xxx

  28. September 16, 2019 / 6:28 am

    Get well soon, dear. To think that you had an operation in the pain awareness day and have to go through off that pain…

    Hugs, stay strong.
    (loooooove that bad, and the bridge.)

  29. September 16, 2019 / 9:20 am

    So glad to hear you’ve come through your procedure and appointment well! I hope you spend more time resting up before you get back at it. Getting through the pain from those little air bubbles is no small feat! Neither is healing and it sounds like you have no small amount to take care of.

    The pictures are gorgeous, as are you. No matter how fatigued you get, it can’t hide the real you. Please keep resting and take good care of yourself. You’re awfully precious to so many, including me! Xx

  30. September 16, 2019 / 9:40 am

    What a grim week, Caz. Yet you’ve managed to find positives and continue to think of others. You are a true inspiration 🙂 I hope this week is an easier one for you, and a week with plenty of opportunities to rest.

  31. September 16, 2019 / 10:52 am

    Caz,
    Always great to hear from you. Happy things went good. I say good because it would have been nice if it were better. Your Ex helping out had perfect timing! Glad that worked out. The bridge pictures are nice. I’d be scared to look down though lol. Pictures are deceiving. I can’t tell you are in pain. I hope its for a short time.

    Take care!

  32. September 16, 2019 / 11:07 am

    Hope you’ve managed to catch up on some sleep and the pain has eased! Have a good week! X

  33. September 16, 2019 / 1:07 pm

    Glad it’s all over for you now Caz you are super brave! Sending lots of love 🙂 xx

  34. September 16, 2019 / 4:06 pm

    You are a warrior, Caz—strong and determined. Also beautiful—and you look amazingly like my niece, so I feel an even closer bond, despite knowing you only virtually.

    Be kind to yourself, don’t push or fret about things undone.

    Speedy recovery!

  35. September 16, 2019 / 5:56 pm

    What a lot you’ve been through this week, Caz. I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that – but well done for getting through it and, as always, for managing to hang on to your sense of humour. I’m glad that you were able to fit in some fun activities: your photos of Clifton Bridge are fab. Stay strong – and keep smiling (easier said than done, I know). P.S. Loving that Accessorize bag.

  36. September 16, 2019 / 8:57 pm

    Wow. What next? A day in the life of CAZ. I am so incredibly proud of all you have accomplished with all the barriers thrown up in your face. The suspension bridge looks cool!

  37. MamaDuck
    September 17, 2019 / 2:37 am

    So glad it went as well as could be expected but terribly sad that you’re still in pain. God bless you sweet girl with complete healing and a pain free future!

  38. September 17, 2019 / 7:01 am

    I’m sure you must be immensely relieved to have had the surgery and be home again. Thank you for sharing your experience and all the photos – the bridge looks wonderful. I am thinking of you, Caz, and hoping the pain soon eases. Stay strong. You’re amazing! 🤗 xx

  39. September 17, 2019 / 12:13 pm

    So glad to hear from you Caz, sounds like such an ordeal. I have said it before, but pleeease try and rest as much as poss, we will always be waiting for you. The suspension bridge looks gorgeous, I’m happy you made it there but no so happy that you felt so awful. Big hugs xxx

  40. September 17, 2019 / 1:53 pm

    You’ve really been through it, Caz, and I’m sorry you have to endure so much. I really admire your tenacity. Been thinking of you a lot, and praying you’re pain free, and resting comfortably. Thank you for the update. The bridge looks wonderful, and I’m glad you and your mom got to experience it. Take care, rest well. xo

  41. Ann Coleman
    September 17, 2019 / 2:30 pm

    I’m so glad that procedure is finally behind you, and I hope that your recovery is fast. Thank goodness for your mother and your ex! I’m sending good, healing vibes your way!

  42. September 17, 2019 / 8:42 pm

    Ooof – I’ve never even heard of subcutaneous emphysema. Sounds unpleasant but obviously not the worst thing on your list. It is too long a list, my dear. Hope you’re recovering, though I know that’s not exactly a destination, just a long road with hopefully some little rest stops, and maybe a beautiful bridge or two 😉

  43. September 18, 2019 / 12:55 pm

    Glad for the update, wishing you a speedy recovery from your surgery! <3

  44. September 18, 2019 / 3:35 pm

    You sweet Love! I am so sorry for all You’re going through and for Your pain. I wish You a speedy, suprisingly wonderful recovery. You are so strong and absolutely amazing! You’re in my heart and prayers. Thank You for sharing this. It’s nice that You share. Seriously! It doesn’t come off as “me, me, me.” at all. And I am certain Your journey is a help and comfort to others in similar situations. ❤️❤️❤️

  45. September 19, 2019 / 4:27 am

    As always I wish you all the very best and hope that you will be as comfortable as possible. You are an inspiration x

  46. September 19, 2019 / 11:27 am

    Never feel selfish for talking about your experiences with all of this – it can be therapeutic for you to share it, and none of us think you’re selfish. Plus, you’re probably helping other people who have gone through/are going through something similar.

    I must say though, your humour is still coming through on this post. I loved your ‘freebies’ comment!

  47. September 22, 2019 / 9:15 am

    Hope you’re recovering well from the surgery. Sounds so stressful 🙁
    The bridge is lovely though and your mum is awesome for accompanying you 🙂
    Take care of yourself xxx

  48. September 28, 2019 / 6:22 pm

    Hello Caz, Just met you on another blog so came to find out more about you. Had you all wrong, for which I apologize. I hope I did not upset you. Will write again after I read a few more blogs, because we have something in common, invisible chronic illnesses. You weren’t even born yet when mine raised it ugly head to me and said “Hi. I’m here to ruin your life! Nice to meet you.”
    Until later. rawgod (rg for short)

  49. September 28, 2019 / 8:27 pm

    You have been through a lot. My ailments sink into insignificance. You are very brave. I can see now how you would think that bar of soap stands for an ill person, wasting away, perhaps with a cancer. I am glad your ex partner helped you out with the journey. You are so brave.

  50. September 29, 2019 / 4:30 pm

    I hope you have a speedy recovery from your surgery – wishing you all the best! 🙂 xxx

  51. October 2, 2019 / 10:46 pm

    I am glad they found it and hope that you can recover completely now. Isn’t Emphysema from smoking? I know I have a lot of severe lung scaring and I have never smoked, but I was exposed to my grandmother’s smoking and she smoked a pack and a half a day and shared my room. I get every little respiratory thing that comes along and it is very hard on me. I wish for you to get better soon. You are so young to be having something like this. Take good care of yourself and keep your face to the sun.

  52. October 5, 2019 / 8:01 am

    Best wishes for a speedy recovery

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