Today officially marks another year down, another year older, and yet it all feels rather familiar to the previous years. But there are big changes this year, some positive and others not so much. I’m trying to weigh up how I feel but honestly, I’m quite conflicted. This is just a quick post today because I want to share my birthday with you guys, the friends online, anyone who takes the time to read/comment here… You mean a lot to me and I hugely appreciate it! I’d share birthday cake with you if I could!  ♥

I don’t think this will be an overly positive post, whereas most birthday posts are that I tend to see on blogs and social media. People wake up to surprises, a partner, lunch with friends, drinks in town in the evening, smiley faces and laughter all around. I guess I feel a little on my own, lost at sea (for lack of a better cliche!) and I’m not quite sure what to do with myself. The awful weather – cold, rain, like it’s winter – probably doesn’t help anyone much either.

Birthdays are a social convention. We have attributed meaning and feeling to the date we’re born and the celebration that comes with it each year. But if you don’t have the prerequisite features such as friends or things to feel joyful about then it all goes a little downhill.

I got my own birthday cake and present so my folks had something to give me, and that’s okay. I’ll have Facebook comments on my ‘wall’ because of the obligatory nature of social media when it all but commands you wish the birthday boy or gal a nice day. What others don’t see is what’s underneath that, or perhaps what isn’t.

Then it leads you to reflection. You’re getting older. What have you done with those years? Have you hit the socially prescribed milestones, like a career, a home (or at least moving out), a relationship, a marriage, a child, anything at all that suggests you are valued as a human being at your age? It’s all bullshit, I know that, and I’d be the first person to say it to someone else. But it’s hard when you have to say it to yourself. Especially if you’re a hypocrite like me where you seem to apply one rule to others and another to yourself.

This isn’t supposed to be a pity-me post. I’m not feeling sorry for myself (though it probably sounds like it, apologies) but I’m trying to be honest in showing that some days, like birthdays, can be hard because there are expectations, or because they make you think (even more than usual) and reflect, and it’s not always a positive experience for everyone.

I don’t need parties, being surrounded by people, surprises or gifts galore, and I fully believe you can make the best of whatever situation you’re in by changing your perspective and adjusting your expectations. But that doesn’t mean things can’t still hurt or feel disappointing, that you’ll never again measure yourself against others, or that the future will be any less scary.

So, will you join me on my little party for one? How about a slice of cake? A cheeky little drink? Cheers – to all of you, to health, to happiness, to being ourselves and not apologising for it.

And on a brighter side note… while I don’t think that money/objects/possessions can buy you happiness, they can bring a little smile. For my present, as my mother said she had no idea what to get, I went halves with her on a new pair of Dr Martens, kids (cheaper and they fit my smaller tootsies), and with a discount code and cashback. And very happy I am stomping around with them indeed!

Have yourself a good day everyone. Thanks for stopping by!

Caz 🌹

34 thoughts on “Birthday (Blues)”

  1. I’ll definitely be happy to celebrate you today! The world is brighter for you being in it, so today we celebrate you. I hope that you do know that you are loved and that you feel it today. xx

  2. Happy birthday! I so love the reality & honesty of your post. I wrote a similar one not so long ago. I often wonder how happy the people are in those FB birthday photos showing their dinner & drink parties etc. I think you have marked your special day beautifully & it’s an honour to share a part of it with you xx 🎉🎂🎁

  3. I understand, I don’t even celebrate birthdays at all, but still get the reflective nature of the day. It can feel so disappointing.

    I hope you enjoyed you cake. I hope you ended up having an okay day, and found a reason to reflect on how awesome you are.

    Xxoo

    1. Happy Birthday!! I hope that whatever you do, you have a positive day 🙂 Thanks so much for the kind wishes for me too, fellow Leo 🙂

    1. Thank you! Likewise, fellow Leo – Having seen your post, I’ve just put on a bit of KC & The Sunshine Band 🙂

  4. Happy birthday. Enjoy the cake and I know I would be happy eating a piece with you.
    Most of my birthdays have either been on my own or with one or two other people, so the alone times have been emotional some of them. But like you, I’m not one for big parties. I can feel lost in them, so small groups mean more to me.

  5. I’ll (virtually) share a slice of cake with you 🙂 Hope you had a good one, and didn’t get too bogged down on the milestones – we all hit them at different points, and no good will come of beating ourselves up over not “achieving” society’s norms. X

  6. Happy birthday my dear, cut me a slice of that cake! In a virtual world I’m not allergic to wheat..ha!
    Remember to start treating yourself as you would others. You deserve it.
    May all your birthday wishes come true.

  7. I completely understand how you feel about birthdays, and all the social expectations that it comes with! I feel the same about any socially prescribed occasion (birthday, anniversaries, Valentine’s day, etc.). They can be rather anxiety-provoking for me. Luckily, my husband feels the same way and we often do the private-party-for-two thing that saves us both a lot of grief!
    So yes, I accept your slice of cake, and I say: Happy birthday! I hope you had a peaceful one. 🙂

  8. Happy(belated) birthday! I’d love to get in on a slice of that delicious cake! My birthday was last week, and it brought up similar emotions. Happy to hear your birthday brought at least a little joy – love your new Doc Martens!

  9. Happy birthday! I am with you on these birthday blues lady! Those doc martens are gorgeous though and I SO agree about all the milestones and expectation bullshit that comes along with birthdays.

  10. Happy birthday!!! I love the shoes. That colour looks awesome and I hope you will post #ootd photos with them. 🙂 I hope your wishes come true. xx

  11. Happy BELATED birthday my dear! Your cake looks delicious and those Doc Martens are cute. My oldest daughter does the same thing because she can fit a size 3 in kids, so she always has the latest and greatest kicks…I digress lol

    I understand what you mean about these “milestones” and having one set of rules for yourself and others. It’s challenging. I do hope you enjoyed your day 🙂

  12. Is there any birthday cake left, sweet friend?! 🙂 I hope you are enjoying those great shoes and also that you have taken time to reflect and come to the conclusion that you are making positive things happen at this blog. Like you, I appreciate the blog community and I’m pleased you’re part of it xx

  13. Those boots are made for walking! Belated Happy Birthday wishes. I sympathise with your mixed feelings but remember that plenty of people have money, a secure job and 2.4 children and are miserable – and/or their family are miserable! It’s a cliche, but a true one, that our worth isn’t defined or measured by our achievements but by the person we are – and we are all a unique mix of strengths and weaknesses, regrets and gladnesses. Easy for someone else to say, I know…

  14. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! I’m not big on celebrating my birthday, nor is anyone else, for that matter, and that’s ok, because to me, it’s just another day. Now, I do care about celebrating other’s birthday’s for some strange reason, that is important to me. I maybe better rethink some things. Sounds like your day turned out ok, anyway. Cute Doc Martens, by the way! Take care. XX 🙂

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