We were lucky enough to get some spring sunshine and warmth this weekend in what is usually a dreary and cold UK. It’s not scorching or summer weather where I am, but it’s certainly a huge improvement and it makes a big difference to your outlook and sense of well-being. That said, it can be hard to enjoy it when you’re dealing with a chronic/invisible illness and it can be a shock to the system when you’re not used to it!
I struggle with the cold, so even when it’s ‘warm’ I feel goosebumps on my arms and my hands are like ice. “Cold hands, warm heart”, right? It’s been lovely to not wear my usual top, two cardigans, one or two jumpers, coat, scarf and gloves. Admittedly, I still layered me tee over a long-sleeve top and added a cardigan under the jacket, but it was still less than usual. It’s not going to last as Monday is forecast to be back to the usual gloom, so I wanted to get out while I could.
Saturday didn’t start well, resulting in a hot water bottle and a few tears of frustration because I’d wanted to feel better than I did. I put on a smiley face, a new tee, my bargain sale Converse and headed out. I grabbed a milkshake in the park before picking up some essentials in town and stopping for another quick break at a beer garden before getting the bus back. Today, I feel equally as crappy as yesterday. My mood is awful, I can’t stop overthinking and over-stressing, my jeans are far too tight, my back hurts, my head hurts, my tummy hurts. But I pushed it just a little to go to the local park, which is a only about 5 minutes away. I’m very lucky to have that so nearby. I was out for under two hours but still had to have a lie down when I got back and curl up into a ball.
The photos of me show someone happy and almost carefree – but that’s very different to how I felt and feel right now. I know I don’t look sick. Most with invisible illnesses don’t. Don’t let photos you see online and on social media fool you. Most people edit their lives for Internet consumption to just show the seemingly good bits. No matter how crappy and awful you feel, try to appreciate and enjoy the little things that can you, and remind yourself that things can and do change, that you won’t feel this way forever. If you feel good today, then relish it without apology. Please be kind to yourselves.
Amazon have a range of awesome Disney tees, including an Alice In Wonderland range if you want to check them out. I like to have something a little less ‘adult’ and grown-up, it reminds me to have a little fun every now and again!